Everyday Insanity and Delight

Merry

Christmas in our household came and went quickly.  I hate to admit it but I find Christmas to be somewhat of a nuisance given that it falls within my busiest worktime - wedding season.

There's so many damn things on that I'm expected to attend, the kids get busy and the bit I really loathe is the fake cheer and crap that comes from advertising.  I feel pressured to create some amazing ambiance at home and wear emotions of peace and goodwill when I'd really like to shop with a cattle prod and roundhouse kick every battery operated singing Christmas decoration in the country.

However......this year I was kind to all of us and I did most of my shopping online - hooray! eBay, Dick Smith, Big W, Toys R Us, Fishpond, Red Balloon and Readings were a few of the sites I shopped at and everything except for one gift made it well in time.  I live nowhere close to any of these shops so it was well worth paying their delivery fees to save me the petrol and incidental extras I'd incur shopping PLUS - no crowds or exasperated sales assistants. 

So our Christmas was quiet as usual with both kids telling me it was their "best Christmas ever!"  This reminded me what it was all about and ignited a spark of spirit when i found it Christmas Eve with Santa's drink and biscuits...and seems that Miss M was pleased with what Santa left behind :)

Our Alexander-Panda got the gift he thought he wouldn't when he opened this - THE Panda iPod docking station that he desperately wanted along with a pile of all things Nerf

They had HEAPS of presents and I adored being able to give them lots this year!  The nicest part was when Alex hugged me and said he couldn't believe he got EVERYTHING on his list and more.  Nice.

The morning looked much like this before lunch at my youngest sister's house with her husband, bubba, our Dad and my other sister and her kids. 

We all cook something and take it so none of us are stuck with all of the cooking.  It was great but so damn exhausting!

We headed back later for dinner with our Mum and her partner.  Amazingly my scalloped spuds and dessert for lunch were awesome.  My pav and spuds for dinner were meh.  Pasta salad on both counts was pretty good though....

The nicest part of the Christmas was that it was my nephew Rajeev's first Christmas.  I just love the look of "What's this all about?" on his face and then he was so exhausted he couldn't fight the sleep any longer. Any time with him is amazing and happy and lovely..

All of the kids got along nicely and it was relaxing and lovely out on my sister's deck looking over towards the mountain range.  Mother Nature was stormy and rumbly and looked spectacular!

When I look at these images, of this amazing Christmas Day sunset, it reminds of the amazing sunset and light at dusk last Christmas Day and if I were a religious person, I'd look at this heavenly light and well, I'd wonder what made it so ;-)

Happy New Year

So.  It's New Year's Eve 2010.  For the first time in forever, we are having a quiet one.  If we stay home we normally have friends over and drinks and the kids go mad squirting water pistols and I drink way too much and spend New Year's Day mildly hungover! 

This year we were invited to go away with friends.  We took too long to decide, the place booked out.  We were half-assed inviting friends over.  Nothing eventuated and when we finally got together to decide what to do, everywhere local was booked out!

We were invited to have dinner and drinks at someone's house.  We never committed.  Ah, they changed their plans.  Sigh. So here we are, home with the kids.  To be honest, I think I'm loving it.  I've had a huge tequila-fuelled margarita, apple pie and ice cream and I'm feeling FINE!

So 2010 has been an interesting year for me.  Not a bad year, but an interesting one.  My business has grown rapidly, my husband and kids have had a great year, it's mostly been fairly routine and okay.

I've been to some awesome concerts this year starting with Jimmy Barnes.

Seriously one of the best nights of my life! 

I've also been to Pixies who I have ADORED since forever,

and was completely gobsmacked at the amazing talent of The Eels.  Awesome!

Then of course I cannot forget taking my babies to their first live concert, seeing The Potbelleez.  SO cool!

I was incredibly lucky to be in Brisbane to witness the art by the amazing Ron Mueck.

And smaller exhibitions along the way.

My baby sister got married in an Indian-Australian ceremony and I wore my first (and I honestly hope LAST) sari...

I got to tour with Wendy Senger and Heidi Swapp when they came over from the USA to run their Mistified tour in Melbourne and Sydney. 

And then in their classes at SIA and also on the Aussie Scrap Source booth.  I got to hang with some old friends and met lots of gals I'd only known online.  I love that!

I got to do all that with my best scrapping, travelling sidekick Suz

Unfortunately we had to finish up our little Budget Scrapbooking business, but not before our last hoorah at the Scrapbook and Papercraft Expo in Brisbane.  It was a great show, and we got to see more scrappy gal pals but OH they are SO much work!!! :)  The shows, not they gal-pals!

My baby boy turned 11.

My baby girl turned 8.

I lost my beloved Grandpa and his funeral was one of the most awful experiences of my life :-( Having said that though, I was glad I didn't let certain *ahem* people walk all over me.

I won a weekend away in the city, just me and my gorgeous hubby.  We saw "Fame" the Musical and stayed in a swish suite!

We were so lucky that the next morning was Buddha's Day in Melbourne. It was an amazing cultural experience, I found it quite emotional and beautiful.

 

I FINALLY gathered the courage to join Road Trauma Support Services as a volunteer speaker and have spoken at several Road Trauma Awareness Seminars over the last few months.  I KNOW I have made a difference, even if only a small one.  My biggest achievement with it this year is speaking at Victoria University at an enormous Trauma symposium.  There were SO many faces looking at me, silent, engaged, some crying...it was amazing.  Afterwards many of the participants hugged me, talked to me, shared their own stories with me.  It was an amazing experience...and so cathartic. 

I like to think now that while my experience has been horrendous, it may have or may still prevent others being hurt on our roads.  After speaking to 100-200 people in a room too, I don't mind saying I left feeling like I could kick anyone's or anything ass!!!

And in light of this achievement, I got my first (and definitely not my last) tattoo.....

The photo is a phone one, pretty nasty pic, it looks better in this shot of me with my sisters...

It's just sort of over my heart.  The cherries are to remind me to stay hard on the inside, to stay strong and tough, to remain sweet and approachable as I can be but stay strong in my core being.  And I love that they're red and funky and the amazing tattooist at Warragul Tattoos convinced me to use my own drawing which she tweaked a bit until I loved it.  Tez is her name, shame she's not on the website because my inking is really fine and she rocked it and NO it didn't hurt. (Keep in mind I'm pretty fleshy right there)

I've photographed some amazing relationships, beautiful children, the miracle of pregnancy, couples tying the knot, nurtured my love of capturing connections between people and finding their true beauty, not just the cosmetic kind.  Aww makes my tummy so mooshy!

I got to shoot many images for this publication, the Tipping Foundation Annual Report.  I'm so proud to be associated with these guys, I NEVER tire of meeting their clients, and most of all I LOVE hearing their stories.  I find the clients here teach me SO much in such a short time about appreciation for what I have, appreciation for my children and most of all I love to witness their true beauty, their true love and joy of little things I take for granted.

On the scrapping front, this year I have been a bit slow.  Earlier in the year I was feeling seriously burnt-out creatively.  I'm currently on a break from my commitment on the Aussie Scrap Source Design Team.

 I am honestly starting to miss it now though.  I am glad I had the break though as I was really starting to hate it and that's the last thing I wanted. 

Here's my last few Aussie projects though...

I've done a bit of sewing, done some drawing and even sold my first piece on RedBubble

Right now though I'm feeling like I'm in a total creative funk.  In fact, it's scaring me because being creative is WHO I AM.  I have been since I was little, it's so much a part of my identity that without it I don't know who I am.

I've had a few margaritas for New Year's so I'm rambling a bit but of you'e the creative type you will know exactly what I mean when I say you tap into the "zone".  I remember watching a documentary on what makes people creative and someone described creativity as a direct line to god.  I'm not quite "there" but I'm having great difficulty tapping into THAT right now.  Sigh. 

So, anyway, instead of moping around whining, I've joined in with this starting tomorrow, erm today -

The details are here if you want to join in too.

Maybe it's my lack of ATTENTION to just being freely creative that is blocking me.

Maybe it's the silly "what's the point of making this stuff?" voice in my head.

Maybe it's the lack of confidence I have at the moment.  Grrr self-confidence is a fickle thing.

I dunno but I'm changing this in 2011.  The New Year has now ticked over and it's time to get my creative dacks back on.  For real.  Watch this space...

beginnings and endings

Here are the photos I tried to post last post of my Miss Moo acting as my guinea pig :)

This week has been a surprising week full of unexpected endings and beginnings.  There's some interesting changes going on in our little bit of the Universe.  Nathan has been home recovering from surgery and will be back at work in the next couple of days. 

Feeling better he decided to tackle taking down our old cubby house in the backyard.  I didn't know this though until I headed outside.  I knew it needed to come down but it was REALLY confronting...

The little building was rotting and full of spiders and the kids hardly ever played in it.  What was confronting about it though was facing how fast the time has past.  We acquired the cubby house when I was pregnant with Madeleine over eight years ago.  Alexander was only three and all I kept thinking about was taking Alex shopping to find fabric with cars on it to make little curtains.  Sniff.

Alex spent hours in the cubby and later Maddy did too.  They fought out there, they hid out there, they played drive-thru restaurants through the windows, they cleaned the floors and the interior, they joyfully painted the walls, Nathan and the kids painted the roof and the walls, they bought and fitted a gargoyle for the doorway, they made an antenna, Maddy learned how to crawl and walk out there, I hid inside and snuck the odd cigarette (oops) and both cats that we've owned hid inside it.  Sob.  It is the end of an era, the symbol of the end of me being Mum to little kids.  It's over. Sigh.  It's not a bad thing, it's just change...a bittersweet change.

And part of this change as my babies grow older is me deciding to work more and get serious about our financial future.  It's been easy up until now to just keep saying that money doesn't matter, we'll manage on whatever blah blah blah but right now both kids need braces, we have debt, we want to buy new furniture, a house etc so I have to make the most of whatever little time I have spare right now.  So I've been super-busy taking photos, and may I add LOVING it.  My little business keeps growing and growing with my wedding season officially kicking off today.

I photographed the most perfectly elegant wedding today, the wedding of Emily to Ryan.  Here's a few images from their pre-wedding session a couple of weeks ago....

I love these images, I love how they wore their gumboots and stayed true to who they are and what they're about and their wedding was no different.  It was beautiful and made me misty-eyed and teary like all weddings.  *big happy sigh*  Can't wait to show you their gorgeous images, so far they look fab!

Speaking of fab images, here's more of the delightfully adorable Beth, Kiwi and Charli.  I'm still in awe of how beautiful Beth is at 37 weeks pregnant and again, warm fuzzies over all of the love within this home :)

I haven't heard any baby news yet, hopefully everything is still going well.

Now back to my changes, I applied for a job last week, something I haven't done for well over ten years but I thought it sounded like it could fit around everything else I do and well...I got it!  I had the interview yesterday long with all of the other candidates and they told me I'd hear Monday.  Lovely people put me out of my misery last night with the news that made me happy happy happy!

I will be an agent for a fabric wholesaler travelling around selling the most lush yummy fabric that had me drooling just over the samples.  Yum.  Hard life eh?  I love that the hours will fit around my photography and my kids and most of all, it allows me to bring in more income without having to make my photography business grow too big.  I want to keep it smallish because it feels more personal.  And I love that. I love that I can do both.  And do the mumma thing too.  And scrapbooking?  I have some balance to work on....

I also agreed to run/walk in a fun run with a friend next year.  Me.  Seriously.  I haven't got my fat ass out exercising since I had my wee roller.skating accident last year.  Ouch.  It's pretty shameful actually so this has been motivating me to move.  Kind of.  I'm still spitting my roller derby career was so short lived but meh. That's it for now, I've had a wine too many, mixed with a gloriously exhausting day and now I'm very very sleepy :)

 

kicking the proverbial...

You know, for once in my life I don't mind saying it - I'm feeling WAY chuffed with my own actions right now.

It may be egotistical but on the weekend I achieved something that has taken me a long long time to do!

I spoke publicly about my car accident.  The accident in which I was a passenger and my best friend was killed.

Anyone who has read my blog for a long time will know about it and anyone who knows me personally will know that I have had a very long battle with PTSD for my entire adult life, which incidentally is half of my whole lifetime. 

But on Saturday I started my volunteer position as a speaker with Road Trauma Support Services Victoria. This is an organisation that I wish had been around at the time of my accident but nonetheless my initial contact with them was priceless to me.  It was one of the counsellors there that took the time to support me, listen to me and understand.  It was her that sent me to the right counsellor for my needs and effectively learn to manage my symptoms and FINALLY face my demons!

So anyway, I attended a Road Trauma Awareness Seminar where people who are traffic offenders attend for whatever reason, to face what sent them there and to drive home the reality of road trauma.  I commend them for showing up, it can't be easy to go and face it.

I was so very nervous but well supported and I can honestly say that every single person in that room listened to my every word and a couple even cried along with me when I finally cracked and had a little sook.  Even the tougher cookies softened and I think I managed to keep myself fairly well composed considering I guess and some of the attendants told me that my story instantly changed their attitude.

That's all I hoped for, to hopefully prevent any of those people going through it and hopefully contribute toward the prevention of any more senseless loss of life.  It has to stop, it's crazy!

So I did it.  And it went okay.  And I'm okay.  I've been a little jumpy but I'm okay.

And from where I'm standing - THAT KICKS ASS!!!!!

Happy days people, happy days...

flat but still fun

I've been in a real pip of a mood this week.  Bah!  I'm starting to think maybe I have a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder I'm just feeling so FLAT and unmotivated. Dramatic aren't I? It could be true though; I do like Winter but I find staying inside all of the time and gloomy dark light just sucks my personal mojo.  I just want to hibernate. Someone I once knew told me they thought I was solar-powered.  I think it might be true.

Photo jobs this week are slow, since I've cut back on my scrapbooking it's slow.  Mind you I have stuff due, I just can't get motivated to complete it.  And that's JUST NOT ME!  Grrr....I am one of the most self-motivated people I know.  I NEVER get bored but this week I've been moping around like a pathetic sooky la-la.  It's crazy!

Normally I'd use the slower pace to catch up on my ironing, to clean out cupboards and see friends I've been missing, but nup.  I also have this stupid feeling of guilt that Nathan is AT work and I am not.  He pointed out to me that I'm often working when he's not but I can't get my head around that.  Less work also means less money and none of us enjoy that! It makes it harder for me to do stuff that I don't feel is necessarily as productive as I could be.

It's okay though, I have some new ideas, I've been sewing madly and I've been doing all the cooking. I can't help but hope that whatever is bugging me is easily shaken as soon as possible because nothing irks me like time wasting!.

Before this sooky la-la-ness, I caught up with some old friends that I went to school with.  We had dinner and drinks and it ended up being a big night.  It's no secret that I like to have a few drinks when I go out.  Don't think I've quite "lost it" yet but going out to all of our old haunts made me feel OLD!  Age doesn't really bother me though so I didn't let it bother me. I was astounded at how tight security is now and how um..crappy the local pub scene still is - lol.  I drank a lot, I had a ball, I wouldn't change a thing! Cocktails, wine, Jagerbombs, Vodka, it's all good, however I think my body is glad I don't do it very often :)

The girls dragged me out of the second pub at about 2.30am.  PIKERS!  They had the nerve (lol) to call me the Energizer Bunny, due to my enthusiasm to get up and go, and the most lovely thing is that in almost 20 years, none of us have really changed all that much. Raelene was my BFF in High School and even though we live in the same town, we hardly ever catch up.  The beautiful thing is that we don't need to, to still have a good time.  To me it was like we've always hung out and that is true friendship, where things don't change when you haven't seen each other for a while.  That photo of us above is almost an accidental copy of ones taken of us in our teens :D

Phew I think just writing this nonsense down has already lifted some of my la-la-ness!

Thanks for visiting!

"Dost thou love life?..

..Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of..."Benjamin Franklin

This is kind of where I'm at right now.  This will be one of those crazy rambly navel-gazing posts so indulge me.  Please.  I'm pretty sure I must be "due" any day and I've also been suffering with one of those annoying crappy head colds that aren't serious, but enough to make one feel a decent amount of self-pity..

Sooo now that BOTH of my paternal grandparents have recently passed, it's got me thinking about stuff.  Stuff about life and our existence does my head in at times. There is just NO answer and the hunger to know can drive me crazy if I think about it too much.  It's times like this that I envy people with faith and religion.  I'm sure it brings comfort and I wish I could achieve that level of faith in something.  But I haven't and just plain can't.

Anyway...both of my grandparents has their good and bad parts, they worked hard, they lived, they loved, they had successes and suffering and then BOTH ended up in nursing homes to see out the last of their days.  They were both well cared for and loved immensely but it's left me with the "What's the point?" woes.

I "know" in my soul that there's more to our existence than we know.  I don't know if we are reincarnated, go to an afterlife,a Heaven, blah I dunno but most of all, it's all made me realise how FAST our lives start and end and how precious every moment is in between..

And then my boy turns eleven this week.  WHAT THE? Every one of my babies' birthdays is bittersweet and last year I was in Brisbane working so I guess it just kind of passed quickly but this year I'm left scratching my head and thinking about where the time has gone.  It freaks me out that in five years he'll be learning to drive.  And that I am now double the age of my mother.  She was my age when I moved out of home.  What?  Didn't I just move out?  Actually I think I might be a year out but I'm close.  I've been with Nathan for SEVENTEEN years this week..SEVENTEEN.  WTF? 

And I've been to many 40th Birthday parties this year already.  Huh?  Wasn't I just going to everyone's 21sts??  We went to a 40th on Saturday night at the hall where I had my 21st and it's still the SAME.  Is that really fifteen years ago?  Seriously?  And of course I drank.  A bit too much.  Then I rambled to my poor 18 year old nephew about how weird it all was that I was changing his nappies one minute and now he's a man.  It was so fast.

Which brings me to my point.  Sort of.  I'm not old I guess.  Or am I?  When are people considered old?  When do hot young Mummas start wearing Homy Peds?  When is it no longer cool to go to the pub?  When are you considered too old to party?  Man...when is one's prime and when is it over? 

I'm so torn between hanging on to wanting to party every weekend or staying home to make quilts.  I know I can do both and that one is only as old as they feel blah de blah blah...see rambling??

But...........all of this soul-searching has me thinking about HOW I spend my time and how little I really have left with my babies.  I get ONE chance to raise them and I don't want to miss it.

So I am re-prioritising what I do and when I do it.  Both of my kids are well settled into school so I now have time for reflection.  Basically I'm stepping back from scrapbooking publicly.  I'm taking a break for a few months with no deadlines.  After I meet the current ones of course...

I realised through having a few sooks to my hubby that it doesn't make me feel alive anymore.  I still love it, I'm still passionate about it but if there's a choice between lunch with girlfriends and a deadline, or sleeping in on a Sunday and a deadline, I can tell you, the deadline is going to miss out now..

I've been feeling so lonely and lost but I think this is why and most of all, I'm booking LOTS of photo jobs and simply can't do both. And don't want to either.

In the last week I've had meetings with several gorgeous wedding couples, families, parents, all of them and while I'm talking the talk and taking the shots I feel ALIVE and completely connected to some higher source.  I feel creative and colourful and like this is where I am meant to be.  I LOVE IT!!!!

So that's where my efforts will be pointed to from next month on - my photography and my family.  And I'm happy.  And sad.  Because I really do love the scrapbooking industry and all of the opportunities it has given me.  And I love the stuff.  And the stories.  But I've lost my way a little and hopefully a break will re-kindle that which I have lost...

And hopefully as my children enter this next phase, I will feel as though I gave them the attention - physically and mentally that they deserved.

I'll still be scrapping, but just for me.  As if I can resist the "stuff" but I'll be cutting back what I do massively. And then I'll love it again.

And when I get to the nursing home, I'll know I made the right choices in my late thirties..

blue

I'm sad, melancholy even.  Doesn't that sound so dramatic? Melancholy.

My Grandpa passed away.

He's been frail for a long while now, I guess for him, his passing is a blessing.  It's not like it was unexpected or anything.  He was 85, he'd had a full life blah blah blah.  But I'm so, so sad...

I feel like I've "just" lost Grannie and now Grandpa is gone too.  That's both of my dad's parents.  They were no longer married, they'd divorced when I was about ten I guess.  It sucks.  I miss him already.

You see, the thing with my Grandpa was that he made me feel idolised.  And despite the fact that he was a man, and a man's man at that, he would write me the most amazingly heartfelt letters as he aged with the sweetest things anyone could write to me.  Just things about how proud he was of me and my little family.  No matter what happened in my world, I always knew Grandpa thought I was fab!  And just quietly I thought he was ace too.

I got the shock of my life when I went to see him one day, unannounced, and when he answered the door he asked me if I was the nurse coming to change some dressings.  I knew then that he was slipping away, aging like we all do. :(

When I was little, he'd show me how to play the piano, how to ring the crazy cowbells on his wall and coolest thing of all - he'd drive us around in his police car.  Yep Grandpa was a cop and he'd take us into the Russell Street Police Station in the city and show us off to whoever listened.  Then he'd take us to McDonald's which was THE best treat EVER! 

He took us out in a canoe and chased us at the park.  He cooked barbecues and had the most amazing gardens and horticulture knowledge.  He grew orchids and ferns and had a beautiful hot house full of plants he nurtured.

He grew fruit and vegies and for some reason in his older years he had some crazy obsession with Cornetto ice creams.  Or seemed to anyway.   Any time we went to visit, he was always trying to give us and the kids Cornetto ice creams...lol..

He once insisted that he pay for us to go home via the Queenscliff-Sorrento ferry.  We didn't want to but went anyway.  Alexander was two.  He even came to wave us off.  It was one of the best teeny trips we'd ever had.  Alex loved it.  I loved it.

He had a crazy laugh and always smelled of Vitamin E cream.  Vitamin E cream always reminds me of Grandpa.

Grandpa also loved goldfish.  It was one of the things Alexander remembers most - that Great-Grandpa had fish, and EVERY time we'd visit, he'd show Alex.

In reality, we never saw him that much in the last few years.  He's been in care but I visited when I could.  It was a long way away and day-to-day life got in the way.  I only saw Grandpa a couple of months ago when Maddy and I went to Queenscliff to spread Grannie's ashes in the ocean.  I took the ferry over but decided to drive back through Geelong.  It was late and Maddy and I were tired and I drove right past the turn-off to his retirement home.  I got right into the city then dodo a U-turn and went back to see him.  I'm so glad I did.  It was the last time.  I kind of suspected it was then.  I hugged him as tight as I could without breaking him and said the best goodbye I could without being dramatic.  He was really animated that day and knew exactly who we were.

I just wish we didn't have to lose anyone.  Ever.  I'm feeling quite heartbroken and like the two people in the world who made me feel SO special are now gone.  It's not that I need to "feel" special or that others don't, there's just nothing like the admiration that grandparents give you.  From birth.

I miss you already Grandpa, I really hope that you're in a better place.

Funeral is tomorrow.  Ergh, I wish I could not go.  Not that I'd not go.  Sigh....

 

 

changes

I'm in a weird place emotionally at the moment.  Maybe I mean mentally. Ack! I dunno.

I've had a crazy busy last month and am spending a lot of time right now soul-searching about where I'm at, what I should be doing, what I want to be doing - blah de blah blah blah. 

I have changes going on internally and around me.  I'm not sure if they're good or bad but either way I guess they're bound to happen.  Maybe it's just that I'm aging.  Maybe it's because my babies are not babies anymore.  I have work changes happening and spiritual changes.  I, well we, are struggling financially and that's adding to the feeling of unease and is fostering the anxiety about making changes...

Okay so busy is good, or else I have no idea what I'm doing.  I loathe being bored so yep, busy is good.  Firstly I want to show you my new website - woohoo!  The old one I loved, but it needed an update.  And more space!

I have done away with the splash page and I'm still not sure if that's right or not.  I find splash pages kind of annoying so decided not to have one :)  I'm loving my new business image, it feels like it reflects ME!

Featured on there is a wedding I photographed a little while ago and it's taken me AGES to proof because there were so many fabulous pics :)  Here's a hand full of my favourites...

Beautiful wedding, a totally gorgeous day!

I've not long returned home from working as a teacher's assistant on the Mistified tour, assisting Heidi Swapp, and Tattered Angels owner and Glimmermist inventor Wendy Senger.  We, that's Suz and I. We started at the Melbourne Mistified workshop day...

It was a fabulous day, and the nest bit was that I knew lots of the attendees :)

Here's a pic stolen from my gorgeous gal-pal Tan..

And I totally love this shot of the "paparazzi"..

We had a day off then off to Sydney for the next round of Mistified!

I managed to nick off for a little bit into Newtown in Sydney to visit a button shop - All Buttons Great and Small.  It was WAY further away from where we were than I thought but Newtown is a gorgeous suburb and I took lots of photos of old buildings and stuff.  Once I finally arrived there I only bought TWO buttons because I don't really need any more buttons and I had to get back.  Distracted by my surroundings and rushing to get back I managed to roll my ankle in a pothole on the rickety old footpath.  Like really, WHY? 

Ugh it was SO painful and I was on my feet for the next few days and I was so far from home and totally embarrassed and worried about my camera and it really was just the most annoying and painful thing!  I tried to just keep ignoring it but I just couldn't.  AND I didn't think it was as bad as it was and I felt like an idiot and grrr, I can tell you it looked like this the next day and it was CANING!

I managed to get a bandage from the hotel and basically just strapped it up tight, wore lace-up boots and hoped for the best.  Lots of Ibuprofen and Codeine from Suz helped immensely!  Two weeks on, it's still SO sore and a bit swollen, but what can ya do?

After we finished at Mistified Sydney, it was off to Homebush to set up for SIA where we were working for Aussie Scrap Source.  We were making ATCs and still assisting Wendy and Heidi.  I got to meet some online friends I've known forever and see old friends again!

I came home with love/hate for the industry in equal amounts.  The love is obvious, why I love working in the industry, the hate was for the feeling that my heart isn't in it as much as it was, how much I missed my kids and just how I've kind of lost my way.  It's caused me some of the soul-searching I was referring to.  But enough about that for now, here's some layouts I've done for Aussie -

Inspired by children's artwork...

and a focus on flocking...

And my latest Budget Scrapbooking kit...

And...speaking of all things lovely, my Mother's Day was gorgeous.  The plan was for Suz and I to have one day back in Melbourne in between all of the touring, and then we'd be heading up to Brisbane for the last part of the Mistified tour.  We ended up not being needed and had the option of finishing up at Sydney so of course we took it!  As much as I loved the first week, I was tired and missed my babies oh so much PLUS not going to Brisbane meant we were home for Mother's Day.  My babies spoiled me, firstly with this lovely decoration on our misty windows...

Maddy made me this scrumptious card and laminated picture/placemat...

Alex made me this from his special Lego, in my favourite colours of course.  But I have to give the Lego back - lol...it's the thought right?

Both kids decided that they didn't like the gifts at the school Mother's Day stall, so gave it a miss this year.  Instead they gave me this delicious knitted throw that I REALLY wanted...yummo!

I love it to bits!!

A few weeks ago through Facebook, I received a notification from my local radio station about registering your business for the "19 Minutes of Fame" where you can nominate some of your favourite songs and they are played for nineteen minutes and the best bit is that your business gets mentioned on the radio.  I decided to register and to my surprise they called me the next morning to say I'd been selected.

Not only did I get my favourite songs played and my business mentioned BUT they gave me tickets to see FAME the Musical which I was absolutely stoked about and THEN they gave me a night for two at the  Sofitel Melbourne.  Seriously, I could not believe it!  Nathan and I have NEVER been away for a night alone since we had kids and that's at least 11 years ago!  So we went last weekend.

Fame was at the breathtakingly beautiful Regent Theatre where I was spoiled with Daiquiris in glowing glasses!

And in my opinion, one of the best seats in the house.  This is from my seat...

 No-one in front of me with their boof-head in the way, no seats in front cramping my legs - OH it was BLISS and so nice just to be alone with my man!

We had a glorious view from our beautiful room.  I gazed out those windows for HOURS!  That in itself was fabulous!  We even slept with the shutters open. :)

The hotel was VERY swanky, much more flash than we're used to and it was LOVELY, the bed was amazing and I had a GREAT sleep!

And of course woke up to this glorious city view :)

After a sleep-in and leisurely breakfast we headed off into the city.  The Buddha's Day festival was on so we thought we'd quickly check it out, but we ended up staying for AGES!

I was given the opportunity to make an offering to Buddha which I did, because I wanted to experience it.  I'm not a religious person but I'm certainly open and curious.  What I did NOT expect was to become completely overwhelmed with emotion.  It was scary!  It was unexpected and I was so embarrassed.  Thank goodness for sunglasses.  I can honestly say I had some sort of spiritual experience and I am a skeptic normally...

The whole festival was wonderful, lots of colour, movement, different foods and smells and sounds and street performers and music and it was fabulous, I'm SO glad we went.

I finished up by adding a leaf to the Bodhi Tree with my wishes..

and saying hi to Buddha ;)

 

I think that's about it for now, I'm off to photograph three-year old twins, their baby sister and Mum and Dad, can't wait :)

it makes me want to vomit.....

....and scream and cry and beat all bad drivers over the head.

This ad makes my hands shake.  I probably shouldn't have watched it.  I feel sick now :( And sad.  And somewhat helpless.

If you don't know me that well you probably don't know that I have suffered PTSD for a few months off HALF of my entire life.  From a fatal car accident in which I was a passenger in.  My beautifully divine friend Vic never went home that night.  Or ever.  And is 18 for eternity :(

I don't want to harp on, just saw this and hope maybe even just ONE person will remember to be sensible in a car.

While I've never had a driving demerit EVER, I'm guilty at times of driving impatiently.  It comes with being busy, but it's not even remotely an acceptable excuse.  I've been reminded to pull my head in.  And I should know better. 

Aside from the obvious reasoning though, I wanted to share something I've been working towards for a few years now while I have worked through what I would say is some sort of recovery.  I'm ready. Ready to become a speaker, an advocate for the prevention of motor vehicle accidents, one of THOSE people that stuff happens to but will never happen to you but you're wrong.

I'm hoping to start the training later in the year. The link is in my sidebar.  In the past I get right to that point and then I chicken out.  I'm pretty tough now though.  Okay maybe not tough but I feel determined that this will NEVER happen to MY babies or any other children I love.

My nephew, the gorgeous boy whose bum I used to change when he was a baby turned 18 a couple of months ago.  The age I was when the "accident" happened.  He's so young and has that delicious sense of invincibility that all 18 year olds should have. I hope to work towards triggering the little voice inside their heads that says "NO", the voice that prevents them from getting in that car, getting behind that wheel, drinking that alcohol, driving that fast...all that stuff. The voice that saves their lives, yet they never know :)

Sorry about the melancholy, but I feel like it's my mission to remain vigilant about spreading the word, to keep reminding us all that it is NOT acceptable EVER to take risks in a car.  That is all.

The Word Thing...

I've been waiting to update the blog until I have all of the "right" stuff "ready.  I really wanted to show my readers (if there are any left) what my December looked like, my client photos, our Christmas.  Every time I start to get it ready, something gets in the way and it doesn't happen.  Meh.

So today, being New Year's Eve, has me in a reflective frame of mind as it always does.  Halfway between Christmas and my birthday and the bringing of a fresh new year, how can one ignore this opportunity for sentiment?

I figured it was time for me to think of a new "word" for 2010 a'la Ms Ali Edwards I've not been to her blog for probably most of this year but the word thing drove me back.  About to add my cleverly thought-up word for 2010 - nurture, I was mortified to realise that was her word for 2009.  GEEZ!  Can I make an original thought at all???? Clearly I've read it there at some stage....sheesh!  But to hell with it, I'm going for it anyway! Nurture is my word for 2010 and the whole next damn decade I think.

Nurture my home, my babies, myself.  Nurture my friendships, my husband, my art, my photography, my scrapbooking.  My body, my finances, my environment.  I've been far too busy.  Enough already.  I've proved to myself that I can claim myself back from the onslaught of having babies and that I CAN work and be a mother.  Not sure how successfully I've balanced it all but we're all okay so far so I guess that's something!

  

My 2009 word was, well I had a few actually....one was NO.  And not being afraid to use it.  Hmm didn't do SO well, but didn't do SO bad with it either. I managed to say no to things without the nagging and completely nonsensical guilt that used to follow.

The next was ADVENTURE.  In January I internally told myself to relax and everything that happens is part of the adventure of life. That I had fought my way through years of PTSD and that was enough thanks, it was time to relax and surrender to what the Universe sent me.  And it did.  For someone who had barely been outside the border of Victoria before this year, I travelled to Brisbane, Sydney, Canberra.  Took more plane trips than I can count.  Had huge (well they felt huge) absences from my family and we all survived.  Each trip brought it's own mild disaster and fun, crazy adventures and I was totally cool with that! I met more new friends than I can count and SO many friends I met "online" are now my "flesh" friends! Phew!

I'm now a business owner as well....and it doesn't get more adventurous than that really! It was a huge plunge and risk for me to become a "photographer".  The stupid thing is that I trained for it years ago and never had the confidence to pursue it.  Now I've taken more photos than I can count, photographed two calenders for different organisations, fashion shots, family shots, weddings, babies, parties, bellies...it goes on and I LOVE it!  

And I started drawing again...something I again had lost my confidence in.  I've been working on the same drawing since I sketched it in May because I HAVE NO TIME!  But the point is I've been doing it.  AND I entered an art show.  Haven't done that in forever.

And let's not forget the wild ride of another kit company on the scrapbooking market.  It was an accidental adventure to come my way but fab all at the same time.  Couldn't ask for a better partner than Suz, given that we're frightfully similar in many many ways.  Our outlook is freakishly agreeable.  Mostly.  :)  We have a job to do. We do it. No fuss.  So refreshing.

 

I've gained some amazing new friends, reacquainted with some lost friends and stayed in touch with amazing friends that I've had for ages.  I have WAY too many pics I'd love to post here but I'll post one of my 2009 faves!

I've sadly said goodbye to my beautiful grandmother :( and seen first-hand the tragedy of the monstrous bushfires.

2009 has been an amazing year of growth for me and the last decade even more so.  I saw in 2000 with a crying 6 month-old baby as a new Mum and the last 10 years of my life have happened around having a family and the changes and adjustment that brings.  This was us 10 years ago :)

 

Alex was sooo teeny and cute!  I've gained a whole lot of weight since then (sigh) but a whole lot more strength, maturity (stop laughing) and confidence.

Bring on 2010 and the next decade I say - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!