Everyday Insanity and Delight

Pussycat pussycat where HAVE you been.....?

Well I've not been to London visiting any Queens I can tell you.  I've been wanting to pop back in here but the longer I was away, the larger the task seemed.  Anyway I'm at the point now where if I'm not going to blog, I may as well save myself the fees and delete it.  Silly thing is though, I love my blog and sharing stuff makes me accountable for what I say, whatever that is....

So the giveaway?  Hmm my fault for being so disorganised, no-one won coz I left it way too late to claim and ugh, it's just another thing I've neglected this year and I'm going to explain part of the reason why.  2011 has not been all kind to me but it hasn't all been bad. 

For example, I had the most amazing wedding season this year kicking off with this wedding here of course and following with these.  I could clog up the internet with images from these amazing, joy-filled and beautiful weddings but I have my Facebook page for that :) Instead here's an overview....

One of these gorgeous weddings was in Tasmania, in Launceston to be precise.  I met the couple on Facebook and amazingly they met on Facebook too and it was surreal yet spectacular to meet them in real life and shoot their wedding.  The bonus of this was that I got a trip to Tassie, and I'd never been there before :)

I missed my family but oh how lovely it was to be away.  Alone. :D

As well as weddings I was shooting babies, families, engagements, grandparents, you name it, I've been photographing it ;)

Around Easter though, I started feeling like things were getting on top of me, like I wasn't "right".  Only my work was keeping me joyful and normal, but I was also getting overwhelmed with the sheer enormity of my workload and lack of ability to concentrate.  I knew things weren't right especially when I wasn't keeping up with my Design Team committments to Aussie Scrap Source.  Despite my best intentions, I just lost the ability to scrap well and just couldn't pinpoint why so I resigned.

I assumed I was feeling so "off" because I was so busy.  I was actually incredibly distracted by nasty thoughts about myself and started losing my confidence in everything I did from scrapping, to photographing, parenting, you name it, I was pretty convinced I was completely crap at it.  Despite the amazingly happy feedback I received from my clients, I was completely convinced that everything I did was hopeless.  I stopped paying bills, just couldn't keep up with our budget, my house became a mess and we were completely disorganised.  I started to work out why but was not willing to give into it.

It was that black-dog-bitch.  Depression, or more accurately in my case - PTSD. I knew she was coming back to haunt me in all her gloomy nastiness but I was convinced it wasn't going to beat me.  I mean, how could it?  I'm now a volunteer speaker for Road Trauma Support Services. I talk about my stuff all the time and I'm FINE right?  I ignored my flashbacks, my nightmares etc.  I accepted my hypervigilence as being a caring mother and figured that I was tense because I wasn't doing enough yoga.  Sigh.  If I just got more sleep and got on top of my workload I'd be perfectly fine right.  WRONG.

In short around May, I had a nervous breakdown of sorts.  A complete, maybe my worst, PTSD regression ever.  Whilst denying it was coming back, I worked as the photographer for Fatality Free Friday which meant I was photographing ambassador Bev Brock,  race car driver Mark Winterbottom and Police Deputy Commissioner Kieran Walshe.  The day was well received and I met some beautiful people and I thought that having the courage to face it all meant I was on the mend.

I mean really....do I look stressed?

I was feeling pretty ace to be in the middle of the city contributing to a couse that I feel SO passionate about.  I was stoked.  For a while.  Truth is that after I finished, I had one of the worst panic and anxiety attacks of my life.  I literally had to stop at a servo on the way home where I was frozen, unable to get back into my car because I was terrified of getting back on the road.  I kept telling myself I was fine and in control.  I love my car, I'm okay.  But my legs WOULD NOT MOVE.

I eventually got home tired and shaky and ready to "get over it" but that attack scared me so I asked my GP to up my anti-depressant dose as it wasn't working as well.  I'd been on Lexapro for over three years as it cleared the "fog" that I get and helped with nightmares etc.  I'd be fine after that right? Of course! Heck I even did a police press conference for the Queen's Birthday long weekend telling Australia about my accident in front of media from every major news group in the state.....and I was FINE.

Local people recognized me which was a little awkward I guess but they were all so kind.  In fact everyone was so kind from the media, to police, to anyone and everyone.  It was um...surreal.

This meant I was good right? Err no.

I made it through the birthdays of both of my babies with Alex turning 12 (eh am I THAT old?) and Madeleine turning nine.

I didn't really feel present at either of their birthdays but i did my best because I was determined to stomp on that black dog bitch.  It didn't work.  It overwhelmed me and my full-on nightmares and flashbacks returned with a vengeance.  My whole household has suffered and I was close to suicidal.  I knew I had to do SOMETHING for the sake of my family if nothing else.  I just wanted to lay down and let it consume me so it would end.  Please.

My GP was my saviour and thankfully so were my kids.  Knowing that they need me well has been the main motivation for my continued need to fight.  Without them I'd have given up by now. I was referred to a specialist trauma psychologist who then referred me to a psychiatrist.  Yep a psychiatrist OMG.  Only CRAZY people need psychiatrists right? Ugh so humiliating but it's been good.

He moved me to Pristiq, a different kind of anti-depressant.  To be honest the change has been SHIT.  I've felt like it's doing NOTHING but I'm on quite a high dose now and little by little I feel like I'm coming back.  I've even ventured out with the family to the Aquarium in Melbourne a little while ago.  Felt like a total space cadet but no-one needed to know I guess....

It was really hard to stay present but again, my kids have forced me to make the effort just by their being.

I'm not doing any more talks for a while, and just staying focussed on protecting me and getting well.

My psychologist has helped me uncover so many things about me that I didn't know and it's been interesting.  It's not been pleasant but it's been cathartic.  We haven't started on the intense work yet as I have to be emotionally stable.  I'm working on it.  She encouraged me to delve back into creating art so Nathan and I worked to create me a designated art space.

It's just mine.  My space.  My desk and workspace have just been in our lounge in a shared space but this, this little corner is MINE.  So far I've created these...

Which led me to finding the courage to exhibit.  It may only be in a show organised by the TAC but it's in the divine Geelong Gallery and it's a non-threatening start.  I feel like I'm "home" when I paint or draw and I can express things through art that I can't through words. 

The exhibition opening was the perfect excuse for time in Geelong too.  I don't get there now that both of my grandparents have passed but it's one of my favourite places in the world.  It's filled with many of my happiest memories from being a small child until now.  I feel at peace in Geelong and it was just what I needed.  I took Madeleine with me and we had a girl's night starting with the exhibition opening and then staying in a multi storey hotel.  I've never seen her so excited and she just kept hugging me and saying thankyou!   So cute and a reminder of what's important.

It was also an amazing experience to see my work in a "real" gallery again after not being in one for almost 20 years and also to listen quietly to what people said.  My piece had the desired effect if what I overheard people say is anything to go by.  Viewers can vote on their favourites and pieces are for sale, all there until September 4th.  I don't expect to win a prize but hey, it'd be nice :)

The day after the exhibition opening, I was able to take Maddy to the Fairy Park in Anakie.  I was really unwell with a stupid flu-virus and feeling spacey from my anti-D drugs but we still had a lovely time :)

We took the super-duper long way home and went on a bit of an adventure, fabric shopping and just enjoying the one-on-one time together. 

I can't wait for my dissociation to be resolved.  I had no idea the way I felt had a NAME, let alone WHY I feel this way.  I do now and know that it's peaking as it did this weekend away.  It's the pits.  Really.  At least I know why I always feel like I don't belong and feel spacey.  It sucks and I had no idea it is a PTSD symptom.  I just thought I was vague :-S  It's hard to enjoy anything, I just get all kind of quiet - bah!

There is good news now, I'm feeling like my cylinders are starting to re-fire.  I feel like I'm over the hump - well some of it anyway.  I feel motivated to continue to create art and capture amazing memories for people. I even have some work on display at Tea-Lite in Warragul, the hippest little nook to relax in EVER!!!

I have something else on the burner too but I'm not teaching scrapbooking anymore.  I was recently accused by a "friend" of refusing to teach for her store but then teaching at someone else's and that wasn't the damn case at all.  I didn't get to explain, I didn't get to say it was just the occasional one when they, who are FRIENDS of mine got stuck.  The bit that makes me saddest is that I upset her without even meaning to.  It's that bullshit side of the scrapbooking industry that has now burned me one too many times now, I'm over it.  I love sharing what I know but the politics behind it really are crap so I'm stepping out of it completely.  I'll still scrap, but just for me.  Sick of the shit that goes on between women who are meant to be supporting each other.  I don't need that "you did this" bullshit.  Ugh....luckily the last shop I taught for have the same attitude as me and don't cause me any issue but I still want out...

My focus now is on my family, my babies who are growing way too fast and make me prouder and prouder each and every day. They also make me want to knock their heads together at some stage each and every day but that's motherhood right?  My Alex got into an advanced curriculum program for high school next year (yes WTF? High School) and Maddy has some seriously awesome Maths and Reading skills.  I'm so lucky.  Mind you they've had an endless line of cold after virus after bug and seem to be home ALL the flipping time :(  I've just started them on Echinacea, Anti-biotics, pro-biotics, vitamins, fruit etc you name it, it's time they get well.  It'd probably help if parent's stopped sending their sick kids to school spreading germs but that is another whole gripey post...

I'm focussing on getting well myself and trying to make amends for the dumb things I've done during my breakdown.  Bills are caught up, upcoming wedding shoots are sorted, editing all almost finished and I'm booking LOTS of weddings for next season.  BRING IT ON!  I love it!

If you read this far and stayed with me thanks.  If you're empathetic towards me, quadruple thanks.  If you're judging me because I have an emotional illness, kindly leave and may the door knock you on the way out.

So here's to my recovery and may my blog be regularly updated!  Cheers!

Drenched

Oooh everything is wet dammit.

We have had torrential rains and flooding - sigh...the back of our house flooded but we were home to save as much as we could.  Our landlord had hosed the roof when he repainted it recently and blocked the damn downpipes :( Not happy.

I have lots of pics to blog from the floods but I just wanted to quickly share this with you.  We had a little visitor here last night.  We have no idea where he or she came from but our first indication was Madeleine screaming that she could see a snake on the front verandah.  She could only see it's little head and neck and it would have looked like a snake!

Poor little thing, must have been scared with us four plus another four people who were visiting all looking at it! We were scared to leave it on it's own in case it wandered onto the road so we stashed it safely in a tub with snails to eat overnight.

After much family discussion about whether we'd take it to a reptile rescuer or not we voted to take it to the wetlands down the road from us.

The rains were SO heavy and much of the parkland was flooded quite deeply..

This is where I go walking.  There's a track under here somewhere..

We thought it was a nice place to release our new friend who was understandably very scared...

All four of us stood staring at this little turtle, getting drenched, watching our new friend...

We waited, watching, getting wetter and wetter until a little head popped out of it's shell...

We gave up waiting for it to go anywhere after that..we were freezing and wet through.

We're pretty sure it's found a good home by now :)

Stay dry everyone, take care...

Slack or distracted or something...

• D'oh, I've done barely a sketch inside my art journal.
• I haven't gotten my Miss Moo to draw a winner for my handbag and now she's asleep
• I've had fabulous washing/drying weather, yet I still have piles of clothes waiting to be washed.
• I haven't sewn anything else but I've spent $$ on fabric.

But I HAVE....

• Had morning sleep in snuggles with my babies
• Spent a relaxing, soul-restoring day ALONE drooling over the original works of the Old Masters, and stood staring in awe at ancient lace much of it handmade in times gone by at the NGV.
• And let's not forget the moments I spent with my hands in the waterwall (AGAIN) and also laying on the floor looking up at the ceiling of the Great Hall.  No time to be home, no-one to have to compromise with.  It was bliss and just what this cranky Mumma needed.
• And I've had a meeting (I know I'm on holidays but it's cool) with an engaged couple who have now booked me for their wedding.

Sooo, drawing of the handbag giveaway will be done tomorrow.

And so will the laundry and some stuff in my art journal.

Really :)

Happy New Year

So.  It's New Year's Eve 2010.  For the first time in forever, we are having a quiet one.  If we stay home we normally have friends over and drinks and the kids go mad squirting water pistols and I drink way too much and spend New Year's Day mildly hungover! 

This year we were invited to go away with friends.  We took too long to decide, the place booked out.  We were half-assed inviting friends over.  Nothing eventuated and when we finally got together to decide what to do, everywhere local was booked out!

We were invited to have dinner and drinks at someone's house.  We never committed.  Ah, they changed their plans.  Sigh. So here we are, home with the kids.  To be honest, I think I'm loving it.  I've had a huge tequila-fuelled margarita, apple pie and ice cream and I'm feeling FINE!

So 2010 has been an interesting year for me.  Not a bad year, but an interesting one.  My business has grown rapidly, my husband and kids have had a great year, it's mostly been fairly routine and okay.

I've been to some awesome concerts this year starting with Jimmy Barnes.

Seriously one of the best nights of my life! 

I've also been to Pixies who I have ADORED since forever,

and was completely gobsmacked at the amazing talent of The Eels.  Awesome!

Then of course I cannot forget taking my babies to their first live concert, seeing The Potbelleez.  SO cool!

I was incredibly lucky to be in Brisbane to witness the art by the amazing Ron Mueck.

And smaller exhibitions along the way.

My baby sister got married in an Indian-Australian ceremony and I wore my first (and I honestly hope LAST) sari...

I got to tour with Wendy Senger and Heidi Swapp when they came over from the USA to run their Mistified tour in Melbourne and Sydney. 

And then in their classes at SIA and also on the Aussie Scrap Source booth.  I got to hang with some old friends and met lots of gals I'd only known online.  I love that!

I got to do all that with my best scrapping, travelling sidekick Suz

Unfortunately we had to finish up our little Budget Scrapbooking business, but not before our last hoorah at the Scrapbook and Papercraft Expo in Brisbane.  It was a great show, and we got to see more scrappy gal pals but OH they are SO much work!!! :)  The shows, not they gal-pals!

My baby boy turned 11.

My baby girl turned 8.

I lost my beloved Grandpa and his funeral was one of the most awful experiences of my life :-( Having said that though, I was glad I didn't let certain *ahem* people walk all over me.

I won a weekend away in the city, just me and my gorgeous hubby.  We saw "Fame" the Musical and stayed in a swish suite!

We were so lucky that the next morning was Buddha's Day in Melbourne. It was an amazing cultural experience, I found it quite emotional and beautiful.

 

I FINALLY gathered the courage to join Road Trauma Support Services as a volunteer speaker and have spoken at several Road Trauma Awareness Seminars over the last few months.  I KNOW I have made a difference, even if only a small one.  My biggest achievement with it this year is speaking at Victoria University at an enormous Trauma symposium.  There were SO many faces looking at me, silent, engaged, some crying...it was amazing.  Afterwards many of the participants hugged me, talked to me, shared their own stories with me.  It was an amazing experience...and so cathartic. 

I like to think now that while my experience has been horrendous, it may have or may still prevent others being hurt on our roads.  After speaking to 100-200 people in a room too, I don't mind saying I left feeling like I could kick anyone's or anything ass!!!

And in light of this achievement, I got my first (and definitely not my last) tattoo.....

The photo is a phone one, pretty nasty pic, it looks better in this shot of me with my sisters...

It's just sort of over my heart.  The cherries are to remind me to stay hard on the inside, to stay strong and tough, to remain sweet and approachable as I can be but stay strong in my core being.  And I love that they're red and funky and the amazing tattooist at Warragul Tattoos convinced me to use my own drawing which she tweaked a bit until I loved it.  Tez is her name, shame she's not on the website because my inking is really fine and she rocked it and NO it didn't hurt. (Keep in mind I'm pretty fleshy right there)

I've photographed some amazing relationships, beautiful children, the miracle of pregnancy, couples tying the knot, nurtured my love of capturing connections between people and finding their true beauty, not just the cosmetic kind.  Aww makes my tummy so mooshy!

I got to shoot many images for this publication, the Tipping Foundation Annual Report.  I'm so proud to be associated with these guys, I NEVER tire of meeting their clients, and most of all I LOVE hearing their stories.  I find the clients here teach me SO much in such a short time about appreciation for what I have, appreciation for my children and most of all I love to witness their true beauty, their true love and joy of little things I take for granted.

On the scrapping front, this year I have been a bit slow.  Earlier in the year I was feeling seriously burnt-out creatively.  I'm currently on a break from my commitment on the Aussie Scrap Source Design Team.

 I am honestly starting to miss it now though.  I am glad I had the break though as I was really starting to hate it and that's the last thing I wanted. 

Here's my last few Aussie projects though...

I've done a bit of sewing, done some drawing and even sold my first piece on RedBubble

Right now though I'm feeling like I'm in a total creative funk.  In fact, it's scaring me because being creative is WHO I AM.  I have been since I was little, it's so much a part of my identity that without it I don't know who I am.

I've had a few margaritas for New Year's so I'm rambling a bit but of you'e the creative type you will know exactly what I mean when I say you tap into the "zone".  I remember watching a documentary on what makes people creative and someone described creativity as a direct line to god.  I'm not quite "there" but I'm having great difficulty tapping into THAT right now.  Sigh. 

So, anyway, instead of moping around whining, I've joined in with this starting tomorrow, erm today -

The details are here if you want to join in too.

Maybe it's my lack of ATTENTION to just being freely creative that is blocking me.

Maybe it's the silly "what's the point of making this stuff?" voice in my head.

Maybe it's the lack of confidence I have at the moment.  Grrr self-confidence is a fickle thing.

I dunno but I'm changing this in 2011.  The New Year has now ticked over and it's time to get my creative dacks back on.  For real.  Watch this space...

Can't decide...

between this lounge, which I like...

and this one which Nathan (my husband) likes...

Grr it's TOO hard to decide...

 

Almost at the surface...

If you've been a reader of my blog over the last five years, you'll know I have NEVER not posted for this long. I'm not dead, just busy. Really busy being wife and mumma, aunt, sister, friend, plus working.

Working like a mad woman and loving pretty much every minute of it. Im full time photographing PLUS I have a new job too. The blog here is due for a makeover as well but it's not been a priority over brides, babies and bellies. It's also a busy time commercially with businesses I shoot for designing annual reports and calendars and stuff.

I will be back. Soon.

beginnings and endings

Here are the photos I tried to post last post of my Miss Moo acting as my guinea pig :)

This week has been a surprising week full of unexpected endings and beginnings.  There's some interesting changes going on in our little bit of the Universe.  Nathan has been home recovering from surgery and will be back at work in the next couple of days. 

Feeling better he decided to tackle taking down our old cubby house in the backyard.  I didn't know this though until I headed outside.  I knew it needed to come down but it was REALLY confronting...

The little building was rotting and full of spiders and the kids hardly ever played in it.  What was confronting about it though was facing how fast the time has past.  We acquired the cubby house when I was pregnant with Madeleine over eight years ago.  Alexander was only three and all I kept thinking about was taking Alex shopping to find fabric with cars on it to make little curtains.  Sniff.

Alex spent hours in the cubby and later Maddy did too.  They fought out there, they hid out there, they played drive-thru restaurants through the windows, they cleaned the floors and the interior, they joyfully painted the walls, Nathan and the kids painted the roof and the walls, they bought and fitted a gargoyle for the doorway, they made an antenna, Maddy learned how to crawl and walk out there, I hid inside and snuck the odd cigarette (oops) and both cats that we've owned hid inside it.  Sob.  It is the end of an era, the symbol of the end of me being Mum to little kids.  It's over. Sigh.  It's not a bad thing, it's just change...a bittersweet change.

And part of this change as my babies grow older is me deciding to work more and get serious about our financial future.  It's been easy up until now to just keep saying that money doesn't matter, we'll manage on whatever blah blah blah but right now both kids need braces, we have debt, we want to buy new furniture, a house etc so I have to make the most of whatever little time I have spare right now.  So I've been super-busy taking photos, and may I add LOVING it.  My little business keeps growing and growing with my wedding season officially kicking off today.

I photographed the most perfectly elegant wedding today, the wedding of Emily to Ryan.  Here's a few images from their pre-wedding session a couple of weeks ago....

I love these images, I love how they wore their gumboots and stayed true to who they are and what they're about and their wedding was no different.  It was beautiful and made me misty-eyed and teary like all weddings.  *big happy sigh*  Can't wait to show you their gorgeous images, so far they look fab!

Speaking of fab images, here's more of the delightfully adorable Beth, Kiwi and Charli.  I'm still in awe of how beautiful Beth is at 37 weeks pregnant and again, warm fuzzies over all of the love within this home :)

I haven't heard any baby news yet, hopefully everything is still going well.

Now back to my changes, I applied for a job last week, something I haven't done for well over ten years but I thought it sounded like it could fit around everything else I do and well...I got it!  I had the interview yesterday long with all of the other candidates and they told me I'd hear Monday.  Lovely people put me out of my misery last night with the news that made me happy happy happy!

I will be an agent for a fabric wholesaler travelling around selling the most lush yummy fabric that had me drooling just over the samples.  Yum.  Hard life eh?  I love that the hours will fit around my photography and my kids and most of all, it allows me to bring in more income without having to make my photography business grow too big.  I want to keep it smallish because it feels more personal.  And I love that. I love that I can do both.  And do the mumma thing too.  And scrapbooking?  I have some balance to work on....

I also agreed to run/walk in a fun run with a friend next year.  Me.  Seriously.  I haven't got my fat ass out exercising since I had my wee roller.skating accident last year.  Ouch.  It's pretty shameful actually so this has been motivating me to move.  Kind of.  I'm still spitting my roller derby career was so short lived but meh. That's it for now, I've had a wine too many, mixed with a gloriously exhausting day and now I'm very very sleepy :)

 

been making

I've been making lots of stuff on and off for the last few weeks.  It's been SO cold here that I've been rugging up in my pyjamas at night time and creating bits and pieces.  I can't share all yet but I can show you this sweet hair clip I whipped up for Maddy recently.

It's no lie when I say I've been promising to make her a cute kitty hair clip since 2006.  Bad bad mother! She asked for a pink kitty and apparently this is exactly what she wanted! :-D  I've been making her hair flowers too but they just don't cut it like the kitty clip.

Father's Day saw us on the hunt for kites to fly in the crazy wind but no-one that was open locally sold them.  We ended up buying a totem tennis pole and playing that this afternoon.  I managed to snap this at a local park while on the kite hunt..

Maddy wasn't co-operating much to my disappointment...:( Later that day though she agreed to let me take photos of her.  The thing with me is, that as far as photography goes, I lose my confidence easily.  Like anything creative it comes and goes and I just needed to get a fresh look at things before my wedding season starts.  Thankyou Miss-Mads :)

 

Grrrr...Typepad is not my friend tonight, I'm having trouble uploading so I'll leave it here with a Happy Father's Day to all the fab Dads out there!

ta-ta Winter

I love Winter, I really do but even I am tired of the miserable light and gloominess this season brings.  I love using electric blankets and slow cookers, the smell of washing tumble-drying and Sundays snuggled up inside in slippers and trackydacks.  I love wearing boots and tights and OH how I love to see snow on the mountains around us.  The air is crisp and clean and it's easy to sleep.  Ahh Winter I {heart} thee, but I NEED some sunshine.  Please.

I'm tired of the grey skies, this Winter has seemed long.  I'm tired of mud and the lack of sun-dried bed-linen.  We had a mild day and instantly the offspring were outside on bikes and scooters and enjoying each other's company.  I miss that.

He really was having a good time until Mum pulls out her damn phone and starts snapping pics - grrrr...

My hubby Nathan is out of hospital and recovering nicely.  He has 5 holes in his tummy and two weeks off work to spend at home with me...

Stupid thing about that is that while I've been looking after Nathan I got sick.  Urgh....being sick is the PITS!  And such a waste of flipping time!  I have SO much editing to do and cannot stay at the computer for long, it's so frustrating.  I won't bore you with details but I have girls' stuff going on.  I've had many tests that found nothing serious but have to wait until October to see a gynecologist - grrrr.

So we've been a great pair lazing around moaning about pains all day - sigh...

I did a fabulous engagement session on the weekend at a most gorgeous location out in the country.  Gorgeous couple, lovely location, it will be DIVINE and the way they've planned to wed is just perfect for them.  I can't wait to see them get married and even more exciting is photographing it!

I was on my way home when this little lady or fella looked up from the road's edge and was very happy to continue to stare at me until I clicked the shutter on my camera when it high-tailed it out of there.

I was so excited that my car stopping and even the sound of my window didn't frighten it but my flipping camera did. :( Cutest baby wombat - aaaaw!!

I also snapped these on the way home with my iPhone.  Man I love Hipstamatic.

The road where these photos were taken intersects with the road where I live.  I can't believe how fab it all looks taken with this app...

When I've felt well, I've been scrapping, drawing, cross-stitching and editing and nothing is finished for me to show you.  Yet.  I shall keep plodding away at everything though =)

Soon I'll be sewing this as well!

Lucky me I WON this pattern from the Oz Material Girls blog.  I can't wait to make this for my divine Miss Moo, she's SO excited!

I'm off to wash a mountain of dishes and muster the spawn off to bed!

yabbering between yawns...

Ah can you hear that?  Yes, it's silence, the silence of my "everyone-is-sleeping home" Hooray!!

I've been having a few "moments" tonight, you know the kind, the IF-ONE-MORE-PERSON-WANTS-A-PIECE-OF-ME-I-MAY-SPONTANEOUSLY-COMBUST kind of moments, the type that feels like you're being pecked to death a wee bit at a time, slowly, painfully until you give in a collapse in a heap - urgh!  Okay I may be exaggerating a little but honestly grrr...

I often wish I could grow really enormously tall and scream very loudly lording it over who or what is failing to recognise that they're really annoying me.  Actually I'd be somewhat satisfied with an Incredible Hulk type transformation also but really now I'm just babbling and you really probably don't need to read that.

So anyway, I've been busy of late.  Busy in both my personal life and work life.

Some good, some not so good but meh, that's life isn't it?  I have been somewhat overwhelmed by some of the stuff that's been going on but feeling quite philosophical about it all.  Sort of.  Anyone who knows me well knows I am a sap and I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I stupidly trust people and I let things they say get to me.  I hate that.  But the opposite of being too soft doesn't appeal to me either - bah!

Balancing out the gobsmacking ugliness of interhuman behaviour has been some amazing client experiences.  I've been meeting LOTS of wedding couples and seeing the stars in their eyes as they plan their gorgeous nuptuals is something I will never get tired of.  Even more exciting is the venues I know I'll be visiting over the next few months - bliss...

I've also been shooting quite a few delicious subjects, including these adorable guys and their lucky lucky baby-to-be!  This bubba is going to enter the most amazing family, I can tell already and looking at it's gene pool already, it's going to be one spunky bubba!

It was a total pleasure to photograph these guys on what was possibly the most miserable weather day of the year - not that you can tell :)

Next up was a fabulous farm-inspired shoot of another spunky couple out in the country.  I love where I live, green hills and the smell of cow manure always reminds me of my childhood and this place had all that and more.  A DIVINE location, lush green paddocks surrounded by native bushland, puppies, calves, cows, chooks and baby lambs - awwww and mud glorious mud!

They made so many amazing images it was really hard to narrow it down to even these.  Aren't they gorgeous??

Also this last week on another miserably cold wet and windy day was this yummy Mummy Beth, her spunkalicious Kiwi and divine cherub Charli.  I'm still working on their session but here's one of Beth.  Have you seen a more AMAZING 37 week pregnant woman?

More of this session VERY soon!

I've also done photo shoots for a brochure and have events and engagement sessions this weekend!

In leisure news, the lovely Suz arranged a fabulous night for her and I seeing The Eels live in concert!  I had no idea who they were until Suz and I spent a weekend locked away in a country cabin trying desperately to catch up on our scrapping commitments and there was no stereo in the cabin.  We ended up with Suz's limited playlist from her laptop and the odd few cds that were kicking around in my car.  Lucky for us we have similar taste because I think we heard each song about 127 times each.  It wasn't bad though because I realised that I love the Eels and have done ever since.  And live, they were AMAZING!

And....unfortunately, just like The Pixies concert we went to some nasty cow had to get all pushy and rude.  Had I blogged this closer to the event, it would have been VERY nasty.  A woman pushed into Suz's spot beside me and I jokingly said that she might get squished when Suz comes back as she'd be standing with me.  Grr she went nuts about not being able to see etc.  We would have helped her out but no, when Suz got back she started going on about people being childish etc.  We were both gobsmacked, she was clearly just some sour trouble-making mole.  There I said it, the epitome of 80s bogan teenage girl.  Mole.  Best bitch-word ever.  Mole mole mole, yes lady *cough* you are a nasty mole.  Right.  That feels better.

It took me all of my effort not to cause a repeat of the TOO-CROWDED-TO-MOVE  bitch-fight of 1993 when a nasty sourpuss in a crowd called my sister a bulldozer when she was pushed from behind.   Everyone was pushing it was crazy and some cow said it loud and clear and I said, "I beg your pardon, who DO you think you are?" or something like that and I continued to tell her how rude she was and that everyone was stuck in the crowd and she should keep her nasty opinions inside her forked-tongue-containing mouth. Or something polite like that.  And then it got awkward because after my outburst right back at sourpuss I couldn't storm off in a huff.  We just had to stand there eyeing each other off.  Eek...

The "woman" at The Eels concert may very well have even been the same one.  Anyway, the man she was with came and took her away.  I amused myself with thoughts of him shaking his head at her and saying what an embarrassment she was but I imagine it wasn't that way.  I like my made-up her being scorned for ugly behaviour better.  She was the only ass in this crowd that we came across though...

It was a pretty ace crowd full of gorgeous outfits and funny hats.

My hubby Nathan has been in hospital for part of this week having surgery and I thought it would be nothing, it has ended up being more of an upheaval than I anticipated.  I was SO worried about him when I thought I wouldn't be and to our kids' credit they both patiently waited for him to come out of surgery despite the fact that the hospital was boring and they were hungry.  They insisted on waiting and Nathan said as he came out of anaesthetic, the first thing he remembers is seeing us waiting for him.  That was important to me and it happened.  Happily.  Both kids coped really well and managed to moan and fight as much as they usually do so all around it's been an okay experience.

Charming isn't he?

I have been quite drained emotionally since joining in on the Road Trauma Awareness Seminars as a volunteer, but I'm still pleased I did it.  It's just taken a bit out of me and I went to dinner the other night to sort out the next round with the organisers, and kind of debrief I guess but the circumstances ended up being awful and it's made me question WHY things happen the way they do.  It doesn't matter how much I work to block certain elements from my past they still come back to purtrify a fabulous existence from time to time.  Why is that? Why is it that some negativity and ugliness can't just keep to itself?

So when I feel a bit icky I escape into my sketch pads and draw.  I've been working on this but it's not finished yet, excuse my phone photo...

I hope to finish it some time over the weekend.  Maybe.

I'd love to show you wnat else I've been creating but i can't yet.  Some has been magazine commissioned and some for Aussie Scrap Source, so you'll just have to wait I'm afraid! =o)

Starting next month I'm also returning to teaching, starting at Fat Cats Scrappin' in Warragul.  You know it's amazing that the two girls that run the shop were my students two years ago and now they've just gone OFF and have a gorgeous shop and much enthusiasm, it's been great to watch!  More info on that soon.  I just picked up the stuff to make a sample and I'm busting to get started!

Right, well, I have a brand new lambswool electric blanket on my bed tonight and can't wait to try it out.  It's also the first night I get to sleep with my hubby since Tuesday and I intend to make the most of all that heat so I'd best get off this computer chair and off to bed. Night!!