Everyday Insanity and Delight

Pussycat pussycat where HAVE you been.....?

Well I've not been to London visiting any Queens I can tell you.  I've been wanting to pop back in here but the longer I was away, the larger the task seemed.  Anyway I'm at the point now where if I'm not going to blog, I may as well save myself the fees and delete it.  Silly thing is though, I love my blog and sharing stuff makes me accountable for what I say, whatever that is....

So the giveaway?  Hmm my fault for being so disorganised, no-one won coz I left it way too late to claim and ugh, it's just another thing I've neglected this year and I'm going to explain part of the reason why.  2011 has not been all kind to me but it hasn't all been bad. 

For example, I had the most amazing wedding season this year kicking off with this wedding here of course and following with these.  I could clog up the internet with images from these amazing, joy-filled and beautiful weddings but I have my Facebook page for that :) Instead here's an overview....

One of these gorgeous weddings was in Tasmania, in Launceston to be precise.  I met the couple on Facebook and amazingly they met on Facebook too and it was surreal yet spectacular to meet them in real life and shoot their wedding.  The bonus of this was that I got a trip to Tassie, and I'd never been there before :)

I missed my family but oh how lovely it was to be away.  Alone. :D

As well as weddings I was shooting babies, families, engagements, grandparents, you name it, I've been photographing it ;)

Around Easter though, I started feeling like things were getting on top of me, like I wasn't "right".  Only my work was keeping me joyful and normal, but I was also getting overwhelmed with the sheer enormity of my workload and lack of ability to concentrate.  I knew things weren't right especially when I wasn't keeping up with my Design Team committments to Aussie Scrap Source.  Despite my best intentions, I just lost the ability to scrap well and just couldn't pinpoint why so I resigned.

I assumed I was feeling so "off" because I was so busy.  I was actually incredibly distracted by nasty thoughts about myself and started losing my confidence in everything I did from scrapping, to photographing, parenting, you name it, I was pretty convinced I was completely crap at it.  Despite the amazingly happy feedback I received from my clients, I was completely convinced that everything I did was hopeless.  I stopped paying bills, just couldn't keep up with our budget, my house became a mess and we were completely disorganised.  I started to work out why but was not willing to give into it.

It was that black-dog-bitch.  Depression, or more accurately in my case - PTSD. I knew she was coming back to haunt me in all her gloomy nastiness but I was convinced it wasn't going to beat me.  I mean, how could it?  I'm now a volunteer speaker for Road Trauma Support Services. I talk about my stuff all the time and I'm FINE right?  I ignored my flashbacks, my nightmares etc.  I accepted my hypervigilence as being a caring mother and figured that I was tense because I wasn't doing enough yoga.  Sigh.  If I just got more sleep and got on top of my workload I'd be perfectly fine right.  WRONG.

In short around May, I had a nervous breakdown of sorts.  A complete, maybe my worst, PTSD regression ever.  Whilst denying it was coming back, I worked as the photographer for Fatality Free Friday which meant I was photographing ambassador Bev Brock,  race car driver Mark Winterbottom and Police Deputy Commissioner Kieran Walshe.  The day was well received and I met some beautiful people and I thought that having the courage to face it all meant I was on the mend.

I mean really....do I look stressed?

I was feeling pretty ace to be in the middle of the city contributing to a couse that I feel SO passionate about.  I was stoked.  For a while.  Truth is that after I finished, I had one of the worst panic and anxiety attacks of my life.  I literally had to stop at a servo on the way home where I was frozen, unable to get back into my car because I was terrified of getting back on the road.  I kept telling myself I was fine and in control.  I love my car, I'm okay.  But my legs WOULD NOT MOVE.

I eventually got home tired and shaky and ready to "get over it" but that attack scared me so I asked my GP to up my anti-depressant dose as it wasn't working as well.  I'd been on Lexapro for over three years as it cleared the "fog" that I get and helped with nightmares etc.  I'd be fine after that right? Of course! Heck I even did a police press conference for the Queen's Birthday long weekend telling Australia about my accident in front of media from every major news group in the state.....and I was FINE.

Local people recognized me which was a little awkward I guess but they were all so kind.  In fact everyone was so kind from the media, to police, to anyone and everyone.  It was um...surreal.

This meant I was good right? Err no.

I made it through the birthdays of both of my babies with Alex turning 12 (eh am I THAT old?) and Madeleine turning nine.

I didn't really feel present at either of their birthdays but i did my best because I was determined to stomp on that black dog bitch.  It didn't work.  It overwhelmed me and my full-on nightmares and flashbacks returned with a vengeance.  My whole household has suffered and I was close to suicidal.  I knew I had to do SOMETHING for the sake of my family if nothing else.  I just wanted to lay down and let it consume me so it would end.  Please.

My GP was my saviour and thankfully so were my kids.  Knowing that they need me well has been the main motivation for my continued need to fight.  Without them I'd have given up by now. I was referred to a specialist trauma psychologist who then referred me to a psychiatrist.  Yep a psychiatrist OMG.  Only CRAZY people need psychiatrists right? Ugh so humiliating but it's been good.

He moved me to Pristiq, a different kind of anti-depressant.  To be honest the change has been SHIT.  I've felt like it's doing NOTHING but I'm on quite a high dose now and little by little I feel like I'm coming back.  I've even ventured out with the family to the Aquarium in Melbourne a little while ago.  Felt like a total space cadet but no-one needed to know I guess....

It was really hard to stay present but again, my kids have forced me to make the effort just by their being.

I'm not doing any more talks for a while, and just staying focussed on protecting me and getting well.

My psychologist has helped me uncover so many things about me that I didn't know and it's been interesting.  It's not been pleasant but it's been cathartic.  We haven't started on the intense work yet as I have to be emotionally stable.  I'm working on it.  She encouraged me to delve back into creating art so Nathan and I worked to create me a designated art space.

It's just mine.  My space.  My desk and workspace have just been in our lounge in a shared space but this, this little corner is MINE.  So far I've created these...

Which led me to finding the courage to exhibit.  It may only be in a show organised by the TAC but it's in the divine Geelong Gallery and it's a non-threatening start.  I feel like I'm "home" when I paint or draw and I can express things through art that I can't through words. 

The exhibition opening was the perfect excuse for time in Geelong too.  I don't get there now that both of my grandparents have passed but it's one of my favourite places in the world.  It's filled with many of my happiest memories from being a small child until now.  I feel at peace in Geelong and it was just what I needed.  I took Madeleine with me and we had a girl's night starting with the exhibition opening and then staying in a multi storey hotel.  I've never seen her so excited and she just kept hugging me and saying thankyou!   So cute and a reminder of what's important.

It was also an amazing experience to see my work in a "real" gallery again after not being in one for almost 20 years and also to listen quietly to what people said.  My piece had the desired effect if what I overheard people say is anything to go by.  Viewers can vote on their favourites and pieces are for sale, all there until September 4th.  I don't expect to win a prize but hey, it'd be nice :)

The day after the exhibition opening, I was able to take Maddy to the Fairy Park in Anakie.  I was really unwell with a stupid flu-virus and feeling spacey from my anti-D drugs but we still had a lovely time :)

We took the super-duper long way home and went on a bit of an adventure, fabric shopping and just enjoying the one-on-one time together. 

I can't wait for my dissociation to be resolved.  I had no idea the way I felt had a NAME, let alone WHY I feel this way.  I do now and know that it's peaking as it did this weekend away.  It's the pits.  Really.  At least I know why I always feel like I don't belong and feel spacey.  It sucks and I had no idea it is a PTSD symptom.  I just thought I was vague :-S  It's hard to enjoy anything, I just get all kind of quiet - bah!

There is good news now, I'm feeling like my cylinders are starting to re-fire.  I feel like I'm over the hump - well some of it anyway.  I feel motivated to continue to create art and capture amazing memories for people. I even have some work on display at Tea-Lite in Warragul, the hippest little nook to relax in EVER!!!

I have something else on the burner too but I'm not teaching scrapbooking anymore.  I was recently accused by a "friend" of refusing to teach for her store but then teaching at someone else's and that wasn't the damn case at all.  I didn't get to explain, I didn't get to say it was just the occasional one when they, who are FRIENDS of mine got stuck.  The bit that makes me saddest is that I upset her without even meaning to.  It's that bullshit side of the scrapbooking industry that has now burned me one too many times now, I'm over it.  I love sharing what I know but the politics behind it really are crap so I'm stepping out of it completely.  I'll still scrap, but just for me.  Sick of the shit that goes on between women who are meant to be supporting each other.  I don't need that "you did this" bullshit.  Ugh....luckily the last shop I taught for have the same attitude as me and don't cause me any issue but I still want out...

My focus now is on my family, my babies who are growing way too fast and make me prouder and prouder each and every day. They also make me want to knock their heads together at some stage each and every day but that's motherhood right?  My Alex got into an advanced curriculum program for high school next year (yes WTF? High School) and Maddy has some seriously awesome Maths and Reading skills.  I'm so lucky.  Mind you they've had an endless line of cold after virus after bug and seem to be home ALL the flipping time :(  I've just started them on Echinacea, Anti-biotics, pro-biotics, vitamins, fruit etc you name it, it's time they get well.  It'd probably help if parent's stopped sending their sick kids to school spreading germs but that is another whole gripey post...

I'm focussing on getting well myself and trying to make amends for the dumb things I've done during my breakdown.  Bills are caught up, upcoming wedding shoots are sorted, editing all almost finished and I'm booking LOTS of weddings for next season.  BRING IT ON!  I love it!

If you read this far and stayed with me thanks.  If you're empathetic towards me, quadruple thanks.  If you're judging me because I have an emotional illness, kindly leave and may the door knock you on the way out.

So here's to my recovery and may my blog be regularly updated!  Cheers!

Slack or distracted or something...

• D'oh, I've done barely a sketch inside my art journal.
• I haven't gotten my Miss Moo to draw a winner for my handbag and now she's asleep
• I've had fabulous washing/drying weather, yet I still have piles of clothes waiting to be washed.
• I haven't sewn anything else but I've spent $$ on fabric.

But I HAVE....

• Had morning sleep in snuggles with my babies
• Spent a relaxing, soul-restoring day ALONE drooling over the original works of the Old Masters, and stood staring in awe at ancient lace much of it handmade in times gone by at the NGV.
• And let's not forget the moments I spent with my hands in the waterwall (AGAIN) and also laying on the floor looking up at the ceiling of the Great Hall.  No time to be home, no-one to have to compromise with.  It was bliss and just what this cranky Mumma needed.
• And I've had a meeting (I know I'm on holidays but it's cool) with an engaged couple who have now booked me for their wedding.

Sooo, drawing of the handbag giveaway will be done tomorrow.

And so will the laundry and some stuff in my art journal.

Really :)

Art Journal and a New Year giveaway

Ooh I started, I really did!  The Art Journal project here  There are over 200 participants, it's HUGE!

Here's my first offering:

For whatever reasons, over the years, quite often when I get totally involved in being super-creative, some event occurs that takes me away from it for a while then I miss it so I go back and then something else happens, blah blah blah.  I KNOW they're not related but it's like my mind has this stupid link between them.

I plan to resolve my "issue" with this in 2011, starting with the journal.

Okay enough waffling...way back in mid-2010, I created this little bag for Aussie Scrap Source using their delicious Michael Miller half yards.

It's cute and I adore it but the colours just are not me, so I'm thinking that I'd like to give it away to one of my readers, provided I still have any really :)

Leave me a comment on this post and I will let my Miss Moo draw out a winner on Thursday January 6th. :)

It is fully lined but doesn't have a hard base.  It's super cute though, Im sure if the colours are "you" you will love it.

Oh....and I will post it anywhere in the world so don't be shy, I'm really just nosying about seeing who reads my blog :-P

Happy New Year

So.  It's New Year's Eve 2010.  For the first time in forever, we are having a quiet one.  If we stay home we normally have friends over and drinks and the kids go mad squirting water pistols and I drink way too much and spend New Year's Day mildly hungover! 

This year we were invited to go away with friends.  We took too long to decide, the place booked out.  We were half-assed inviting friends over.  Nothing eventuated and when we finally got together to decide what to do, everywhere local was booked out!

We were invited to have dinner and drinks at someone's house.  We never committed.  Ah, they changed their plans.  Sigh. So here we are, home with the kids.  To be honest, I think I'm loving it.  I've had a huge tequila-fuelled margarita, apple pie and ice cream and I'm feeling FINE!

So 2010 has been an interesting year for me.  Not a bad year, but an interesting one.  My business has grown rapidly, my husband and kids have had a great year, it's mostly been fairly routine and okay.

I've been to some awesome concerts this year starting with Jimmy Barnes.

Seriously one of the best nights of my life! 

I've also been to Pixies who I have ADORED since forever,

and was completely gobsmacked at the amazing talent of The Eels.  Awesome!

Then of course I cannot forget taking my babies to their first live concert, seeing The Potbelleez.  SO cool!

I was incredibly lucky to be in Brisbane to witness the art by the amazing Ron Mueck.

And smaller exhibitions along the way.

My baby sister got married in an Indian-Australian ceremony and I wore my first (and I honestly hope LAST) sari...

I got to tour with Wendy Senger and Heidi Swapp when they came over from the USA to run their Mistified tour in Melbourne and Sydney. 

And then in their classes at SIA and also on the Aussie Scrap Source booth.  I got to hang with some old friends and met lots of gals I'd only known online.  I love that!

I got to do all that with my best scrapping, travelling sidekick Suz

Unfortunately we had to finish up our little Budget Scrapbooking business, but not before our last hoorah at the Scrapbook and Papercraft Expo in Brisbane.  It was a great show, and we got to see more scrappy gal pals but OH they are SO much work!!! :)  The shows, not they gal-pals!

My baby boy turned 11.

My baby girl turned 8.

I lost my beloved Grandpa and his funeral was one of the most awful experiences of my life :-( Having said that though, I was glad I didn't let certain *ahem* people walk all over me.

I won a weekend away in the city, just me and my gorgeous hubby.  We saw "Fame" the Musical and stayed in a swish suite!

We were so lucky that the next morning was Buddha's Day in Melbourne. It was an amazing cultural experience, I found it quite emotional and beautiful.

 

I FINALLY gathered the courage to join Road Trauma Support Services as a volunteer speaker and have spoken at several Road Trauma Awareness Seminars over the last few months.  I KNOW I have made a difference, even if only a small one.  My biggest achievement with it this year is speaking at Victoria University at an enormous Trauma symposium.  There were SO many faces looking at me, silent, engaged, some crying...it was amazing.  Afterwards many of the participants hugged me, talked to me, shared their own stories with me.  It was an amazing experience...and so cathartic. 

I like to think now that while my experience has been horrendous, it may have or may still prevent others being hurt on our roads.  After speaking to 100-200 people in a room too, I don't mind saying I left feeling like I could kick anyone's or anything ass!!!

And in light of this achievement, I got my first (and definitely not my last) tattoo.....

The photo is a phone one, pretty nasty pic, it looks better in this shot of me with my sisters...

It's just sort of over my heart.  The cherries are to remind me to stay hard on the inside, to stay strong and tough, to remain sweet and approachable as I can be but stay strong in my core being.  And I love that they're red and funky and the amazing tattooist at Warragul Tattoos convinced me to use my own drawing which she tweaked a bit until I loved it.  Tez is her name, shame she's not on the website because my inking is really fine and she rocked it and NO it didn't hurt. (Keep in mind I'm pretty fleshy right there)

I've photographed some amazing relationships, beautiful children, the miracle of pregnancy, couples tying the knot, nurtured my love of capturing connections between people and finding their true beauty, not just the cosmetic kind.  Aww makes my tummy so mooshy!

I got to shoot many images for this publication, the Tipping Foundation Annual Report.  I'm so proud to be associated with these guys, I NEVER tire of meeting their clients, and most of all I LOVE hearing their stories.  I find the clients here teach me SO much in such a short time about appreciation for what I have, appreciation for my children and most of all I love to witness their true beauty, their true love and joy of little things I take for granted.

On the scrapping front, this year I have been a bit slow.  Earlier in the year I was feeling seriously burnt-out creatively.  I'm currently on a break from my commitment on the Aussie Scrap Source Design Team.

 I am honestly starting to miss it now though.  I am glad I had the break though as I was really starting to hate it and that's the last thing I wanted. 

Here's my last few Aussie projects though...

I've done a bit of sewing, done some drawing and even sold my first piece on RedBubble

Right now though I'm feeling like I'm in a total creative funk.  In fact, it's scaring me because being creative is WHO I AM.  I have been since I was little, it's so much a part of my identity that without it I don't know who I am.

I've had a few margaritas for New Year's so I'm rambling a bit but of you'e the creative type you will know exactly what I mean when I say you tap into the "zone".  I remember watching a documentary on what makes people creative and someone described creativity as a direct line to god.  I'm not quite "there" but I'm having great difficulty tapping into THAT right now.  Sigh. 

So, anyway, instead of moping around whining, I've joined in with this starting tomorrow, erm today -

The details are here if you want to join in too.

Maybe it's my lack of ATTENTION to just being freely creative that is blocking me.

Maybe it's the silly "what's the point of making this stuff?" voice in my head.

Maybe it's the lack of confidence I have at the moment.  Grrr self-confidence is a fickle thing.

I dunno but I'm changing this in 2011.  The New Year has now ticked over and it's time to get my creative dacks back on.  For real.  Watch this space...

beginnings and endings

Here are the photos I tried to post last post of my Miss Moo acting as my guinea pig :)

This week has been a surprising week full of unexpected endings and beginnings.  There's some interesting changes going on in our little bit of the Universe.  Nathan has been home recovering from surgery and will be back at work in the next couple of days. 

Feeling better he decided to tackle taking down our old cubby house in the backyard.  I didn't know this though until I headed outside.  I knew it needed to come down but it was REALLY confronting...

The little building was rotting and full of spiders and the kids hardly ever played in it.  What was confronting about it though was facing how fast the time has past.  We acquired the cubby house when I was pregnant with Madeleine over eight years ago.  Alexander was only three and all I kept thinking about was taking Alex shopping to find fabric with cars on it to make little curtains.  Sniff.

Alex spent hours in the cubby and later Maddy did too.  They fought out there, they hid out there, they played drive-thru restaurants through the windows, they cleaned the floors and the interior, they joyfully painted the walls, Nathan and the kids painted the roof and the walls, they bought and fitted a gargoyle for the doorway, they made an antenna, Maddy learned how to crawl and walk out there, I hid inside and snuck the odd cigarette (oops) and both cats that we've owned hid inside it.  Sob.  It is the end of an era, the symbol of the end of me being Mum to little kids.  It's over. Sigh.  It's not a bad thing, it's just change...a bittersweet change.

And part of this change as my babies grow older is me deciding to work more and get serious about our financial future.  It's been easy up until now to just keep saying that money doesn't matter, we'll manage on whatever blah blah blah but right now both kids need braces, we have debt, we want to buy new furniture, a house etc so I have to make the most of whatever little time I have spare right now.  So I've been super-busy taking photos, and may I add LOVING it.  My little business keeps growing and growing with my wedding season officially kicking off today.

I photographed the most perfectly elegant wedding today, the wedding of Emily to Ryan.  Here's a few images from their pre-wedding session a couple of weeks ago....

I love these images, I love how they wore their gumboots and stayed true to who they are and what they're about and their wedding was no different.  It was beautiful and made me misty-eyed and teary like all weddings.  *big happy sigh*  Can't wait to show you their gorgeous images, so far they look fab!

Speaking of fab images, here's more of the delightfully adorable Beth, Kiwi and Charli.  I'm still in awe of how beautiful Beth is at 37 weeks pregnant and again, warm fuzzies over all of the love within this home :)

I haven't heard any baby news yet, hopefully everything is still going well.

Now back to my changes, I applied for a job last week, something I haven't done for well over ten years but I thought it sounded like it could fit around everything else I do and well...I got it!  I had the interview yesterday long with all of the other candidates and they told me I'd hear Monday.  Lovely people put me out of my misery last night with the news that made me happy happy happy!

I will be an agent for a fabric wholesaler travelling around selling the most lush yummy fabric that had me drooling just over the samples.  Yum.  Hard life eh?  I love that the hours will fit around my photography and my kids and most of all, it allows me to bring in more income without having to make my photography business grow too big.  I want to keep it smallish because it feels more personal.  And I love that. I love that I can do both.  And do the mumma thing too.  And scrapbooking?  I have some balance to work on....

I also agreed to run/walk in a fun run with a friend next year.  Me.  Seriously.  I haven't got my fat ass out exercising since I had my wee roller.skating accident last year.  Ouch.  It's pretty shameful actually so this has been motivating me to move.  Kind of.  I'm still spitting my roller derby career was so short lived but meh. That's it for now, I've had a wine too many, mixed with a gloriously exhausting day and now I'm very very sleepy :)

 

yabbering between yawns...

Ah can you hear that?  Yes, it's silence, the silence of my "everyone-is-sleeping home" Hooray!!

I've been having a few "moments" tonight, you know the kind, the IF-ONE-MORE-PERSON-WANTS-A-PIECE-OF-ME-I-MAY-SPONTANEOUSLY-COMBUST kind of moments, the type that feels like you're being pecked to death a wee bit at a time, slowly, painfully until you give in a collapse in a heap - urgh!  Okay I may be exaggerating a little but honestly grrr...

I often wish I could grow really enormously tall and scream very loudly lording it over who or what is failing to recognise that they're really annoying me.  Actually I'd be somewhat satisfied with an Incredible Hulk type transformation also but really now I'm just babbling and you really probably don't need to read that.

So anyway, I've been busy of late.  Busy in both my personal life and work life.

Some good, some not so good but meh, that's life isn't it?  I have been somewhat overwhelmed by some of the stuff that's been going on but feeling quite philosophical about it all.  Sort of.  Anyone who knows me well knows I am a sap and I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I stupidly trust people and I let things they say get to me.  I hate that.  But the opposite of being too soft doesn't appeal to me either - bah!

Balancing out the gobsmacking ugliness of interhuman behaviour has been some amazing client experiences.  I've been meeting LOTS of wedding couples and seeing the stars in their eyes as they plan their gorgeous nuptuals is something I will never get tired of.  Even more exciting is the venues I know I'll be visiting over the next few months - bliss...

I've also been shooting quite a few delicious subjects, including these adorable guys and their lucky lucky baby-to-be!  This bubba is going to enter the most amazing family, I can tell already and looking at it's gene pool already, it's going to be one spunky bubba!

It was a total pleasure to photograph these guys on what was possibly the most miserable weather day of the year - not that you can tell :)

Next up was a fabulous farm-inspired shoot of another spunky couple out in the country.  I love where I live, green hills and the smell of cow manure always reminds me of my childhood and this place had all that and more.  A DIVINE location, lush green paddocks surrounded by native bushland, puppies, calves, cows, chooks and baby lambs - awwww and mud glorious mud!

They made so many amazing images it was really hard to narrow it down to even these.  Aren't they gorgeous??

Also this last week on another miserably cold wet and windy day was this yummy Mummy Beth, her spunkalicious Kiwi and divine cherub Charli.  I'm still working on their session but here's one of Beth.  Have you seen a more AMAZING 37 week pregnant woman?

More of this session VERY soon!

I've also done photo shoots for a brochure and have events and engagement sessions this weekend!

In leisure news, the lovely Suz arranged a fabulous night for her and I seeing The Eels live in concert!  I had no idea who they were until Suz and I spent a weekend locked away in a country cabin trying desperately to catch up on our scrapping commitments and there was no stereo in the cabin.  We ended up with Suz's limited playlist from her laptop and the odd few cds that were kicking around in my car.  Lucky for us we have similar taste because I think we heard each song about 127 times each.  It wasn't bad though because I realised that I love the Eels and have done ever since.  And live, they were AMAZING!

And....unfortunately, just like The Pixies concert we went to some nasty cow had to get all pushy and rude.  Had I blogged this closer to the event, it would have been VERY nasty.  A woman pushed into Suz's spot beside me and I jokingly said that she might get squished when Suz comes back as she'd be standing with me.  Grr she went nuts about not being able to see etc.  We would have helped her out but no, when Suz got back she started going on about people being childish etc.  We were both gobsmacked, she was clearly just some sour trouble-making mole.  There I said it, the epitome of 80s bogan teenage girl.  Mole.  Best bitch-word ever.  Mole mole mole, yes lady *cough* you are a nasty mole.  Right.  That feels better.

It took me all of my effort not to cause a repeat of the TOO-CROWDED-TO-MOVE  bitch-fight of 1993 when a nasty sourpuss in a crowd called my sister a bulldozer when she was pushed from behind.   Everyone was pushing it was crazy and some cow said it loud and clear and I said, "I beg your pardon, who DO you think you are?" or something like that and I continued to tell her how rude she was and that everyone was stuck in the crowd and she should keep her nasty opinions inside her forked-tongue-containing mouth. Or something polite like that.  And then it got awkward because after my outburst right back at sourpuss I couldn't storm off in a huff.  We just had to stand there eyeing each other off.  Eek...

The "woman" at The Eels concert may very well have even been the same one.  Anyway, the man she was with came and took her away.  I amused myself with thoughts of him shaking his head at her and saying what an embarrassment she was but I imagine it wasn't that way.  I like my made-up her being scorned for ugly behaviour better.  She was the only ass in this crowd that we came across though...

It was a pretty ace crowd full of gorgeous outfits and funny hats.

My hubby Nathan has been in hospital for part of this week having surgery and I thought it would be nothing, it has ended up being more of an upheaval than I anticipated.  I was SO worried about him when I thought I wouldn't be and to our kids' credit they both patiently waited for him to come out of surgery despite the fact that the hospital was boring and they were hungry.  They insisted on waiting and Nathan said as he came out of anaesthetic, the first thing he remembers is seeing us waiting for him.  That was important to me and it happened.  Happily.  Both kids coped really well and managed to moan and fight as much as they usually do so all around it's been an okay experience.

Charming isn't he?

I have been quite drained emotionally since joining in on the Road Trauma Awareness Seminars as a volunteer, but I'm still pleased I did it.  It's just taken a bit out of me and I went to dinner the other night to sort out the next round with the organisers, and kind of debrief I guess but the circumstances ended up being awful and it's made me question WHY things happen the way they do.  It doesn't matter how much I work to block certain elements from my past they still come back to purtrify a fabulous existence from time to time.  Why is that? Why is it that some negativity and ugliness can't just keep to itself?

So when I feel a bit icky I escape into my sketch pads and draw.  I've been working on this but it's not finished yet, excuse my phone photo...

I hope to finish it some time over the weekend.  Maybe.

I'd love to show you wnat else I've been creating but i can't yet.  Some has been magazine commissioned and some for Aussie Scrap Source, so you'll just have to wait I'm afraid! =o)

Starting next month I'm also returning to teaching, starting at Fat Cats Scrappin' in Warragul.  You know it's amazing that the two girls that run the shop were my students two years ago and now they've just gone OFF and have a gorgeous shop and much enthusiasm, it's been great to watch!  More info on that soon.  I just picked up the stuff to make a sample and I'm busting to get started!

Right, well, I have a brand new lambswool electric blanket on my bed tonight and can't wait to try it out.  It's also the first night I get to sleep with my hubby since Tuesday and I intend to make the most of all that heat so I'd best get off this computer chair and off to bed. Night!!

been making stuff...

Just a quick post for today.  I had a crazy Saturday night out and feeling super-ordinary today! (yes that's TWO days later - hmm) Plus I am meeting clients shortly but I just wanted to quickly share these!

I've been making a conscious effort of late to spend less time at the computer and more time being productive.  Some stuff I've been making lately I can't show yet but here's what I can!

Firstly for Aussie Scrap Source this bag.  It's a blank Donna Downey canvas bag (from Prima) .  I took some raw artist's canvas and created torn patches by masking and colouring with Glimmermist. The polka dots are a Heidi Swapp mask and the others are by Tattered Angels, Tim Holtz and anything else I could get my hands on.

Next, I caught up with some old friends from school Saturday night.  I'll post more soon but to go out in a skirt with no pockets is a pain because I don't like carrying a handbag.  I made this on Saturday afternoon just before I went out.  It is "just" big enough to hold my little point and shoot camera, my iPhone, id and some cash.  It has a long cross-over strap and i can forget I'm even carrying it!

I just made it from left over fabric and a piece of felt that I had in my stash..

And last but not least, while I was trawling the internet looking for iPhone cover ideas, I saw one of these, and so did Alexander.  He begged me to make him one, so last night I did.  No computer, just a movie - Hawke in fact, just in case you were wondering :) If I wasn't feeling old already, well I actually really enjoyed the movie and I think that makes me a bit of an old fogie as well!

This is Totoro from the movie My Neighbour Totoro which my kids adore!  They've not really ever been that into Disney movies other than the Pixar ones maybe but they LOVE anything by Studio Ghibli. It comes from their Dad.

Now that I can apparently make anything Maddy wants a cuddly one - eek! Like I said though, the idea was stolen from one I saw on Flickr.

Okay enough procrastination for today, I have a house to clean and clients to meet...:-D

Excited

Ooo I've had an exciting last 10 days or so!

Right now though the most exciting thing is that I have an entry in the Canon EOS Festival of Photography I had almost forgotten that I'd entered but went to check out some of the entries when I realised voting had opened for the category I'd entered in.  I would LOVE for you to vote for me here - Vote for Nic :) 

It has also been shortlisted for a "Judges Choice" award and I can't tell you how much that has me squirming with complete elation.  Just being picked is fabulous.  I've always been too scared to enter ANYTHING so this has been fabulous.

Last weekend we had a combined birthday for Alex and Maddy. We took 10 kids to play laser tag, SO fun!  I got some awesome images but want to check with parents before posting them anyway so instead I'll tell you about my trip to Brisbane last week to the Scrapbook and Papercraft Expo.  Suz and I almost didn't go because we're finishing up running Budget but we left cancelling our booth too late so we had to go or lose the booth price :-\

Of course we had to have our hair done first (she's going to totally throttle me but I HAVE to post them, I've just gotta!!)

 

With our swanky new "do's" we headed up to sunny Queensland for our last show ever and it was EXHAUSTING!  Lots of unpacking, lots of unstacking, lots of customers and lots of business :)

We had fabulous fondue, plenty of wine, aching feet, room service, gay bar visits, not enough clothes, boozy coffee, headaches, busting suitcases, friends galore - old and new and a Glimmermisting frenzy! 

It was fabulous and draining all at once.  It's bittersweet that we're finishing up - I LOVE going away but hate it all at once.  I have a ball with Suz who likes to kick back with a drink like I do but OH how I miss my family.  I love offering kits at a great price but loathe putting them together.  It's time though, time for me to move on.

I also got to see the amazing work of Ron Mueck at the GOMA.

Absolutely extraordinary.  I can't even express how it affected me.  I was fascinated by every single piece and effected emotionally which is what art should do..I've never seen anything like it and if you can get to it GO! 

I'm freezing tonight, it's time for me to snuggle onto my electric blankie!! :)

a month and a bit...

So my life has been a little hectic of late.  All a good kind of hectic, it's just kept me away from blogging and stuff.  If you are connected to me on Facebook you will already know what I've been doing anyway...yep I am a total sucker for the micro-blogging revolution.

One of my crazy weeks involved hanging out with these guys..

 

I was commissioned to work on a campaign with the Westpac Bank who have opened a new branch in the teeny town of Drouin in Victoria.  We worked within the community to promote the new Bank Manager Michael (in the suit) as a part of the local community.  We did this by taking the Westpac Mobile Art studio caravan to schools, community groups , the shopping centre etc and asking adults and children alike to create an art piece representing what they loved about living in Drouin.  I should add that the above photo was taken by photographer Jonathan Tabensky who filled in the schedule when I could not :)

My involvement in the campaign was to work with both Michael and Stacy the Tour Manager (pictured on the right of me) recording the campaign photographically.  I can't even begin to estimate how many photos I actually took...

 

I'd love to share the photos here, there were SO many gorgeous pics of the most adorable children and amazing art pieces but sadly I'm not permitted to because officially the images are now owned by Westpac :-S.  The art pieces were collated and exhibited at a special VIP night for the bank and then sold off with all profits going directly to the Drouin CFA branch.

I was most excited to find out I sold one of my photographs on the night AND received some of the nicest feedback on my work ever.  So fab.  Here's the image sold to benefit the CFA -

 

I really want to add that it was all a job I took on kind of reluctantly thinking it would be SO boring following some stuffy "suits" around all day but I can honestly say those two above were really great fun to work with and it has been one of the best jobs I've worked on for ages. Like it seems with ALL of my photo subjects I actually became a bit attached to them and even missed working with them a few days after...what the? 

 They were both easy-going and fun and not like "bank" people at all.  Maybe I was wrong about "bank" people.  Could I have been wrong??  Hmm... 

I even worked at Farmworld. while beautiful children made art. Eek, haven't been there for a few years but it is THE place to be here in Gippsland!!  And it was the place I first discovered scrapbooking ten years or so ago!

Anyway during that crazy week of going here there and everywhere, I also photographed TWO weddings! Oh how I love a wedding, and again I get attached to my subjects and dammit I've even started to become weepy during their ceremonies.  Ugh I have gotta toughen up but I just can't help it, it's such a beautiful thing and every ceremony is so emotionally charged that it is contagious.

The first of these two was, in my defense, a gorgeous friend of mine who totally deserves every shred of happiness coming her way.  Her and her gorgeous man were married in a deliciously light flooded church with her sweet spunky son as a groomsman.  I have a huge soft spot for this boy as he is a great friend of my Alexander and has been forever!  He stays here a lot and has often taken part in our family activities like the decorating of our Christmas tree etc.  He is like a big brother to Maddy and when he started to cry during the wedding ceremony I wanted to dump the camera and give him a big hug.  He wasn't sad, just overwhelmed and since the wedding that boy has been walking on sunshine just like his Mumma! 

So I went to the rehearsal the night before and so glad I did, even if I did feel a bit weepy...look at them, aren't they gorgeous?

 

And their wedding was just beyond words beautiful.  There would not have been a dry eye in the church I'm sure.  The bride was glowing and the groom looked like he'd won the lottery and then some :)  I can only show a few of their photos because I'm just starting to work on them and I don't want to share any here that they haven't seen yet either!

More later after the happy couple have seen them :)

The second wedding was a perfectly elegant twilight wedding on a Friday night at our local Wild Dog Winery. When I say perfectly elegant it really was.  It was serene and so calm and every detail was divine!

Again, don't have too many photos to share here until the couple are back from their honeymoon and have seen them first!

 

Isn't that setting amazing? I was shattered when it started to rain and then I lost my light - argh!  But....having said that I got some beautiful shots of the whole event and I'm sure they'll be very happy.  I should also mention that the venue raised over $11,000 yesterday for the Royal Children's Hospital Good Friday Appeal  How good is that?

In amongst all of the activity I somehow managed to make it to a concert in Melbourne that I had been HANGING for.  The one and only legendary Pixies. I "get" that maybe they were/are a little alternative I guess but I'm amazed how many people have NOT heard of them!  Happy happy time for me though, especially when I discovered that Suz is a fan too!  So we went and got crushed by rude, smelly um, people, and while I can only speak for me, I feel like a piece of my life puzzle is complete now that I've seen them live.  They were the soundtrack (well part of) of my youth and seeing them live, well let's just say some parts of me will never age!  I only took my new phone as a camera which was bittersweet as we were against the barrier and close and only got this pic really...

 

I've also been sewing a bit lately.  I wish I had time to do more, I have some delicious fabric waiting to be turned into cute skirts for Miss Moo, but for now, I finally made my handbag which I'm totally loving!

And...while I'm on the subject of delicious sewn stuff, I will FINALLY mention my new camera strap yumminess bought directly from here - Made.X.Manda 

I casually mentioned my love of red fabric with white polka dots on her Facebook page and before I knew it she was offering me a spotty camera strap.  Oh BLISS!!  And it was under $30, sent speedily and I LOVE, no I ADORE it! It is SO comfortable around my neck and even on days when I was shooting on and off for 12 hours or more, my neck was still comfy with it.  YUM!  I can highly recommend Amanda's straps!

I spent Good Friday at Cindy's Egg-sellent crop day in Endeavour Hills.  I'm very happy to have finished two layouts for Aussie Scrap Source.  Phew I'm a bit behind!  They will be on the Aussie blog soon.  Speaking of scrapbooking, here's some stuff I've done for the Aussie blog recently...firstly Stamper's Anonymous, I covered Tim Holtz...

 

I'm finding now that Alexander is older, it's harder to scrap for him, but I'm really enjoying the challenge of it all...

This one is for a fabric product focus - my maternal guilt...

Teresa Collins "Sports" range...

 

And this is a current fave - "Inspired by Art" and OF COURSE I chose my idol Charles Blackman

This piece is featured in one of my most pored-over books, "Australian Printmaker" by Charles Bannon.  I have owned the book FOREVER I'm sure and flicked through and gazed into it for more hours than I care to recount.  The piece I chose was "Web"

 

Here's my page inspired by this art piece -

 

I have more but I have no idea where the images have gotten to - sigh...

So I'll share the pics from Crazy Hair Day, of my babies.  If only my Divine Miss M would let me do something crazy to her hair.  This is as crazy as she'd get - blah!  Alexander the Great no the other hand - he went nuts!

 

And....even more client pics to share :)

 

Isn't that little boy totally scrumptious?  Oh how I could happily adopt many of the children I photograph, he was SO much fun and has his Mum and dad completely smitten!  I love how he wrapped his little feet around his dad's neck!  I laughed and laughed photographing these guys and still have LOADS of pics to come!

And here's some more of the last family I shared...another adorable little boy and smitten parents with another baby soon to enter the family :)

This is a current favourite image.  I can't stop being happy to look at it :)

 

Dad was such a good sport.  He didn't even have a big tummy but went to a whole lot of effort to inhale a LOT of air to create that belly.  Isn't it gorgeous?

And....here's some of the shots from my latest shoot for Zeve

They have some of THE yummiest fashion pieces coming out later this month - yum yum yum!

 

Oops a bit small but you can see them better on their website :)

Speaking of yummy stuff to wear, I'm pretty sure I NEED this....

It's from this shop and I'd be happy with almost anything from there...;-P  Especially the cherry bracelet..mmmm...

So as you can see, I've been somewhat pre-occupied with stuff.  Good stuff. 

Happy Easter!

the stench...

I've had the most ridiculously crazy week.  I'm a complete scatterbrain right now and my house STINKS! It's like a mixed stench of old bananas and cat food.  It's way feral!!! Or something.  I need to do some organising.  I hate it when I get behind on stuff but sometimes house crapola has to wait and work takes over.

I'd love to show you a pic of my laundry but not even I could cope with that level of humiliation.

So just a quick post, just wanna show you this little baby, my latest organisational tool that I whipped up over the holidays..

 

I seem to be forever stuck for ideas yet I save ideas, cut pics out of mags, write down quotes and ideas, take photos that I want to draw blah de blah blah etc and when it comes time to sew, or scrap, or draw or whatever I get stuck and can't remember anything with my scattery memory.  So I made this from some favourite fabrics, in fact the black/grey damask is a reproduction 1940s fabric that I have bought to make a handbag...but that's another day of waffle.

This is just an A4 art journal and I've attached tabs related to the sections I need and I've been madly adding stuff to it and I feel a (little) bit more organised.

Also reading this at the moment -

Do you ever read dooce.com?

Really cool blog for Mums, well women in general I guess. Well this book is by the same author and it seriously is a great read.  I can't put it down and I relate to it SO much.  All new Mums should have a copy.  And how cool is the cover?  It's made by one of my fave sites to drool over - Subversive Cross-stitch It also makes me ache for the days when my babies were well, babies and at the same time makes me insanely grateful that their baby days are over!

Right enough waffle, this smelly house is getting to me - blergh, never a dull moment.....:)